Falling

I think I am falling for Forbidden Fruit guy. This is bad, very bad. First of all, I just got out of a serious relationship, so I am not ready for a boyfriend. Secondly, the most obvious reason, he likes guys. He likes guys a lot more than girls. Yeah, he does like a few girls, but not as much as guys.

So, why do I think I am falling for him? Well, I have been spending a lot of time with him. Every Tuesday and Thursday after class we go to the mall and hang out there all afternoon, just looking around. When it is time for me to catch my bus, he walks me to the bus stops and gives me a hug.

The other day we were at the mall and joking around. He makes little comments about how people think we are dating. He claims to not like the idea, but I think its funny when he brings it up. Anyways, he made some comment about how “he knows I secretly want him.” Because a certain friend of mine said the key to getting him was not to appear too easy, I said no.

As soon as I said this, he gave me this sad look and said he would never ask me out, since “I would obviously say no.” Feeling bad, and thinking I screwed up any chance I had, I told him that the reason I said no was because it wasn’t a secret that I wanted him and that if he were to ask me out I would in fact say yes.

As soon as I said this, he said he was just teasing. What the hell? He seems like a great guy one minute, and then completely turns around by teasing and manipulating me. So, why do I think I am falling for someone that treats me like that? How does he feel about me? Is he flirting, being shy, or just a complete ass? I ask myself this stuff every time I am around him.

It is very frustrating to not know where I am in our “friendship.” As I think I said in another post, he can read me like a book, yet I can’t read him. He seems so complicated and confusing. Yet, I feel like I can be myself around him, like I don’t have to hide anything. I also have never felt hornier when I am around him. No one else knows how to drive me crazy without doing anything. He knows he drives me crazy and he does things on purpose to make me go crazy.

For example, he is always staring at my boobs. When I “accidentally” rub them against his arm, he acts all grossed out, yet he is always staring at them. Then at other times he acts like he is going to grab them, but then “misses.” I really don’t mind if he touches them. When he has managed to grab them, or attempt to tweak my nipple through my bra, I get a wave of heat and pleasure run through my veins.

This whole falling for him brings me to another issue, a minor irritation: my jealous bone. The other day our friend joined us. Now, Forbidden Fruit does not like the guy that joined us in a sexual way, only as a friend, but the friend has a crush on Forbidden Fruit. Anyways, they went into the bathroom together, and even though I knew that Forbidden Fruit would never do anything with this guy, I still felt a little twinge of jealousy. Anyways, they came back, and of course they didn’t do anything, but I was still jealous. That’s stupid I know. I hate my jealous bone.

Give me some love.