Confused, Opinions Wanted

I don’t exactly want to call my feelings for one of my coworkers a crush. I am not sure what it is. I tend to say flirty things to him, and we kind of joke around, and I sometimes catch myself saying the first thing that comes to mind (and what is on my mind is something I probably shouldn’t be saying out loud at work).

And, before I get told off by you, my dear readers, I have learned my lesson on dating in the workplace; It just isn’t a good idea. I learned that one through my ex.

Anyways, we will call this coworker Toby. As I said before, Toby will say something smart (as in smartass), and I tend to say the first thing that comes to mind. For example, the other night, him and another coworker were both picking on me. I looked up at Toby, straight in the eye, and said that they shouldn’t pick on me because I am supposed to be the dominant one. He asked me in what world, and I blushed and went the other way.

Yes, this was just bad timing. Right before they began picking on me (though it could be flirting, I am not an expert), I had been thinking that I would like to be in a D/s relationship, with me being the dominant one. These thoughts lead me to thinking about how it would be fun to be the D, my significant other the s. It also happened to get me very hot picturing, especially when I thought about how Anna and I controlled Nathan that first time, telling him he wasn’t allowed to cum yet.

Several other times I catch myself dropping hints to Toby. For instance, one night I was talking to him about school and what I hoped to someday be. I mentioned my goal of wanting to be an accountant, and he said that was what he was going for, but then decided on psychology. I agreed that psychology was a great profession/subject, and that if I could really choose what I wanted to be, it would be a sex therapist. Yeah, wow! That confession was unexpected. He kinda just quirked his eyebrow, and I once again took off the other direction.

I try to flirt with Toby, I think. Or, maybe I just like to push it to see how far I will go. An example would be Sunday night. I walked up to him when no one else was around and said, “I’m bored. Entertain me.” He just smiled and said to go study sexual therapy, then just kind of chuckled when I, you guessed it, walked away blushing. I almost replied back that my blog helps me learn sexual therapy, as well as reading other blogs like mine. Sometimes I am so tempted to tell him about this blog, just kinda mention it, to see what he does, but I know that would be a bad idea. Now, please, tell me, dear readers, what the hell that meant. I am horrible at these kinds of things and read way too much into them. Does it mean he was hinting? Was he being a smartass? If he was being a smartass, was it in a joking since, or was he being an asshole.

Monday night when I was having a great time chuckling to myself, Toby saw me and asked me why I was so amused. Long story short, my brother found out I am bi, via MySpace, called his wife, who claimed complete ignorance. His wife then called me that night to tell me to be warned that my brother was freaking out about my sexual orientation.

Of course, since that is not really something that should be brought up at work, I was kind of stuck. I wanted to tell him, but I also wanted to leave him hanging. So, I just told him my brother saw something on my MySpace that he didn’t like too much. I had him at that, he wanted more info. It took him a little coaxing, but I finally settled with saying he didn’t like what I put as my sexual orientation. Of course he wanted more, so he started guessing. He was right on the first guess.

So with all of this, what do you see in it? I am sensing a bunch of mixed signals, so I am trying not to get my hopes up too much about anything. I find myself trying to picture him and I, me on top, riding him. I also try to picture him asking me for my number. All this is a post in itself, since I am running out of material (naughty stuff at least). So, from what I have said, and what he has said, what do you think? Is he flirting? Am I in denial about my feelings for this guy? Please, comment, and let me know your opinion.

Give me some love.