SAD

During my whole twenty years of life I have learned to hate Valentine’s Day with a bloody passion. I have never had anyone to call my Valentine, and have been single for every one. That is, unless you count the dinner I had with my ex last year, when I thought he felt nothing more for me than being a friend. Four days after that dinner he kissed me, and two days later he was my boyfriend. We all know how that ended.

All I really want, is just some guy, that I am attracted to, whether it be personality or whatever else, ask me for my number. Then I want him to call me that night and ask me to hang out, go eat, do whatever. A date. The traditional kind where the guy picks up the girl, takes her on the date, then drops her off at the end of the night and gives her a kiss, either on the cheek, forehead, or even lips if the feelings were right.

I want our relationship to start out slow. I really kind of hate moving fast. I mean, hormones make me get a little caught up in the moment, so I don’t mind that we moved fast until later, when I start to feel bored. Every relationship I have been in we have moved way too fast.

I tell them that I want to move slow, to a certain extent. As things progress, I tell them not to let me near their nether regions, as I tend to lose control. They accept this for a few days, then they help me along, and I lose control of my hormones. Yeah, I know, he must not have respected me if he let that happen, but, its partially my fault too, as I need to have more will power.

Anna said to me once that I was lucky for being single. This pissed me off a little. I mean, its fun to do what I want, when I want, but it really gets lonely sometimes. I mean, I can’t just call my guy up and say “Hey, let me blow you,” because I am horny. No, I have to wait for my sexual opportunities to come to me. It kind of sucks.

I mean, I want a boyfriend in a way, so I can “get some” whenever I feel the need, I can practice my new ideas whenever they come to me, but I am also afraid to get one because I will feel tied down. I would feel like I wouldn’t be able to blog anymore, or at least not as explicit as I have been, and that I won’t get to mess around with Forbidden Fruit or Anna and Nathan.

So yeah, I hate Valentine’s Day, AKA Single’s Awareness Day. I always get lonely and depressed around this time. It’s a time where I need my friends the most. Yet I think I have learned to depend on them a little too much…

Give me some love.