Well, after 24 hours of thinking about my feelings about the whole Toby situation, I realized that I didn’t want to let me attachment issues get in the way of having fun. Of course I was horny at the time of making my decision. I finally texted him and told him that we could continue messing around.
I believe I may have opened up a huge can of worms. For the past few times we have hung out he has been practically begging to let him fuck me in the ass. The idea was very unappealing, but I wanted him to do other stuff to me, so I thought it was an ok compromise.
He picked me up this morning after he got off work. We went to his house and he immediately took all my clothes off. I asked what he was planning when he started to take off his pants. He said he was gonna do me anally. I told him he needed a condom.
He seemed reluctant, but he got one. I asked if he had lube for that, he said no. I pulled out the lube I brought and handed it to him, telling him he needed to use it if he was gonna do me in the ass.
He propped me up on the couch and threw my legs over his shoulders. He started to guide it in, but in the wrong damn hole. I mentioned this, and he just kind of fumbled around for a minute and tried to stick it in the wrong hole again. I kept saying he had the wrong hole, but he kept asking if it was too much.
I let him go ahead and just do it. It was more a curiosity on my part, and I am 90% sure that he would have stopped if I said so. He slid in easily (proving my theory on no longer having a hymen, that I took care of that myself). He began to thrust slowly, then began to thrust harder and quicker.
It was over as soon as it started. It felt good, but I am still in shock. I did not want him to be my first, but whatever. What is done is done. At first I asked myself if it was rape, but I decided that it is not. Mainly because I could have said no. If I had put my foot down and he still did it, I would feel differently. But no, I let him do it. Deep down I did want it.
He kept asking if I was okay, and I think he freaked out when I said he was my first. I told him thank god I didn’t have a hymen. He just kind of chuckled nervously. He aked if he went too far, and I said “probably, but whats done is done.”
Of course, as expected, he had some excuse on why he had to get me home. I made him drop me off at the coffee shop next to my house because I wasn’t ready to face my mother.