What I Want and Why

I don’t want a boyfriend. There’s too much drama in that. I don’t want a boyfriend because then it’s necessary to be honest and communicate. The last time I tried to be honest and communicate it blew up in my face. Its just easier to have a friend with benefits.

I don’t want just a booty call, but I want an actual friend, that I can hang out with, laugh with, watch movies with, and have some great sex.

However, this is where my wants get confusing. During my online dating search, after realizing i don’t really want a boyfriend (and even somewhat ok with just a hook up at one point), I get really turned off when people message me just for sex.

I put two ads on Craigslist the other day. One was looking for a FFM threesome and the other for a date. The one for the threesome has kind of turned out to be a waste of time. The messages I have gotten are from guys pretending to have girlfriends just to try and get a hook up. That was a huge turn off. The ones that probably were legitimate answers weren’t impressed by my picture.

There have been only two guys that I have kept talking to that messaged me from the date thing. One guy (Country Boy) I actually want to see where it goes. The other guy I feel is more kind of a back up if CB doesn’t work out.

Back to CB; he seems to be exactly what I want. I will admit that there are a few things about him that are a huge turn off (he smokes cigarettes and pot), but besides those two things, we both seem to be looking for the same thing. He wants a friend to hang out with. He wants to cuddle, kiss, and have great sex. He wants to be my boyfriend, but without the title of actual boyfriend.

If we do meet, and things do work out and feelings develop then there is possibility of more later (though I think he was trying to tell me what he thinks I want to hear). The possible set up sounds perfect. However, there is one small problem. He lives out in the boonies, up on an isolated mountain. He works where he ives, kind or like a caretaker. He can’t leave his job for more than a day or so, meaning I would have to go up to him, and he can’t come down to me.

As great as sex out in the open air, by the pond, and all around the house sound, this makes me feel so vulnerable. He said I would be at least a 20 minute drive from the highway. He says I can either drive my car up to where he is, or park it at the bottom of the hill. I feel like I would be safer (and able to get away easier) if I had my car with me, but my car is old and hates hills.

We plan to meet halfway (about a 45 minutes drive for each of us) sometime next week, weather permitting. I really want to meet this guy, and besides the few turn offs, he sounds like we would get along great together. We will see.

Give me some love.