There are a lot of things I have been missing lately, both in a relationship and out. Some things, when I think about them, I feel a little twinge of disappointment. Other things I might feel a huge stab of loss, and sometimes a little cringe of pain between my legs.
I miss the pet names I recieved recently (or not so recently). I really miss hearing myself being called “Love,” but I also miss being called doll or baby. Being called doll was super sweet to me, and I was reminded of it the other day when I was deleting old texts from him. I was looking for a post to submit to E-Lust this month and was reading about CB calling me baby and really started to miss it. I am a little disappointed to admit that I don’t think we will be talking anymore. I haven’t heard from him in over 3 weeks. Thats for the best though, as we really don’t have much in common, a lot of things he did were turn offs to me, and he lives almost 2 hours away.
I miss intimacy. I especially miss initimacy in a committed relationship. Will was the only guy that I had sex with as my boyfriend. There was something so much more meaningful and intimate about it. I missed sex in general a few months ago when D and I kind of lost touched, in fact it was all I could think about. Now, I really don’t care so much. Yeah, I miss that full feeling I got, but to be honest I am kind of afraid to have sex again.
Now you might be wondering why in the hell I would be afraid to have sex. Its because the last few times I had it, my vaginal opening tore. It started when I had sex with Toby one last time after my break up with Will. I wasn’t wet enough and he hit the wrong angle so I tore. After that I only had sex with D (and his room mate once during the threesome) and everytime I did, I tore because D’s cock is fucking HUGE.
As of last week it has been three months (but who’s counting) since I had sex. Since the last tear I have been to the doctor and was given an estrogen cream to rub on it to help heal me. I have not been able to test to see if it worked or not. I am kind of afraid to now anyways. I want to, don’t get me wrong, but the idea of sex, especially rough (which i used to love) makes my vagina hurt.
I also really miss giving head to a guy with a passion. I believe I have an oral fixation. I always feel the need to have something in my mouth. If I am not eating, I chew gum. I have always loved sucking cock (the only exception would be Toby). Lately I have found myself going over in my mind step by step in my head how I would love a guy’s cock in my mouth. Hell, sometimes I will even start flicking and circling my tongue in my mouth to give myself a better imagination.
I miss cuddles to no end, both giving and recieving. There is something so safe and secure feeling about being wrapped into someone’s arms. I miss that so much. I miss the feeling of spooning, and falling asleep in each others’ arms. I think its the cutest thing in the world.
Most of all, I just miss the feeling of having someone, knowing that they will be there for you no matter what. I miss having someone to share my day with, tell each other if it was good or bad and why. Someone to hug me until I feel better if it was a bad day, or even hug me just because. I love random hugs.
So yeah, theres a lot of things I miss, that hopefully I can have back again soon.