I was just starting to forget about J, thinking maybe he was finally done yanking me around. To my not so surprise I had a new friend request on Skype in early August from him. I got really excited, and added him with no thought or question of it.
I talked to him, and we caught up on everything from the last ten months. He was out of town, but would be back in a few days. I really wanted to see him, up until the point where he said he was back in town. I ended up cancelling on him, making up a migraine to excuse myself. He tried to hang out for several days after that, but I kept putting it off, using work as my excuse.
The night before my birthday I went to bingo with friends. While there I got shit faced drunk. When I got home I started Skyping him. I told him that “at one point I loved him.” I told him my fears of him hurting me again. He was understanding. I finally made set plans to see him the next night, on my actual birthday. It was the truth, that I do believe I have loved him at one point.
I went to his place after dinner with my mom. He met me outside and we hugged. I followed him in and we watched a little bit of netflix. He kept trying to touch me, kiss me, and cuddle me, but I was stiff as a board. I just didn’t feel right. After a few episodes I told him I was tired from partying the night before and had to work the next morning.
We talked back and forth all week long, and he kept trying to hang out. I just wasn’t feeling it. I made no promises, but finally on my weekend I agreed to see him. It was the same thing as last time. More netflix, some more touching that I wasn’t into, and finally me leaving.
He later said he didn’t like that I wasn’t into it and he felt creepy. I told him that I enjoyed the cuddling, but I just wasn’t into being sexual just yet. For what felt like the millionth time I explained how broken emotionally I was. He didn’t really seem to understand.
A week went by and we didn’t really talk much, and I was totally fine with that. When my weekend came around, he wanted to hang out again. I didn’t really want to, but I thought maybe I would feel differently about things if we hung out at my place, so I invited him over instead. We watched a movie, and halfway through the movie he started running his hand up and down my body. I stopped him when he got to my boobs.
Things got awkward then. He got really quiet and stopped cuddling completely. Then he fell asleep! I was shocked and disgusted. Finally the movie was over and he woke up and left. We didn’t talk for a week. I finally grew some balls and deleted him from Skype. I haven’t heard from him, and I am hoping that I don’t. I probably will though, give it time.