**This is not a sexy post. It is quite horrible actually, but I am writing it anyways just so that I can look back on what an idiot I was. Read at your own discretion.**

A few weeks ago on a Friday night I went to Andy’s after work. The plan was for us to go grocery shopping, cook dinner, and enjoy a night of video games and movies. We got about halfway through the list, but then I fucked up horribly.

I got drunk. Neither of us realized how much I really had until it was too late. I fell a lot. I told him I loved him for the first time. No, I didn’t just say that because I was drunk. I had plans of saying it before I even thought of alcohol that night. I just poorly misjudged his readiness. To his credit, he took it well, and apologized for not feeling the same way.

I don’t remember much of that night. I don’t remember how I told him, or when I did. I just know that I did. Then once I sobered up, I brought it up again and told him there was no pressure to say it back, that I just wanted him to know how I felt.

Sometime after telling him how I felt, I got sick all over his kitchen and bathroom. I fell some more. I was too drunk to clean it up myself and he had to do. I feel horrible, and I hate that I let myself get that inebriated that night.

He finally got me to scoot into the shower where I sat in the water. I don’t remember getting in the shower, but I have a small memory of finally being cleaned off and standing up, drying off.He finished the cleaning and brought me my overnight bag with pajamas and tooth brush.

We went to bed and I woke up with a hang over from hell and covered in bruises from falling so much. I still have a fucked up right shoulder. Every time we hang out now he will rub on it a bit, and it is finally starting to ease up on the pain. Unfortunately I had such a bad hangover that I couldn’t really go home until late Saturday night.

He says that that night doesn’t change how he feels about me, and he cares for me a lot. I am embarrassed that he had to see that and deal with that.

Give me some love.