It’s Complicated

I never really understood the point in saying a relationship was complicated. I used to figure it either was a thing or it wasn’t; the feeling are or they aren’t. At least until I didn’t understand up until now.

Now I know it really can be complicated. It is not as easy as black and white. I am feeling like my relationship is drifting into complicated territory and I finally understand. I go from being really happy when I am with him, especially when we kiss, cuddle, and hold hands. However, when we are apart, I can’t help but feel slightly unhappy.

The unhappiness comes mostly from my lack of self confidence, but it also has to do with the lack of sexuality in our relationship. I have a very high sex drive and I am finding out that he does not. I used to think that his workload and stress was a huge factor, but now I can’t help but feel like it has to do with me. It wouldn’t be the first time.

I also can’t help but feel the inevitable approach. He will be graduating and potentially moving out of the area unless he miraculously gets a job in the area, Even then he might not stick around.

I fell in love with him, but I couldn’t get him to fall for me. Soon we are either going to have to step up our relationship prematurely or end it before it truly gets a chance to bloom. We have been talking for 7 months, and officially a couple for about 4. It feels too soon to have the talk about moving in with each other, but if he can’t get a job and does want to stay, one of us will have to move in. I have thought about it long and hard and am willing to support him financially if it comes down to it. I would love it if he stayed.

I don’t feel ready to move with him, if that is what he wants. I would be willing to go long distance, but if it ends before we get anywhere I feel like I might start resenting him. I would feel like I wasted a bunch of time twiddling my thumbs waiting for something to happen when it never does.

I have been trying really hard to think positively, but it is getting harder as what feels like the end comes near. Each day that passes my feelings get a little bit more complicated,

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