A Test of Sorts

The boyfriend is gone for nearly a month, and after this weekend he will be pretty much off the grid for almost 2 weeks. He is on his summer vacation, visiting family and friends down south. I miss him terribly, and it gets harder every day.

We still manage to at least say good morning, but after that he usually gets busy and either doesn’t talk again til late evening or the next morning. Some nights we were able to Skype and play video games, which is nice, but just not the same.

I have been kind of looking at his absence as a test for if/when he moves and whether or not we continue things as a long distance couple. At this point, I feel like I care more for him than he does for me, but that is probably my low self esteem talking. He has a hard time opening up, which also makes me wonder how he really feels about me.

Without knowing how he feels, or what he sees with me in the future, I don’t think I could do long distance. I really hate to say that, and I hate the idea of having to move on (again) and learn to know someone all over again (though sometimes that can be half the fun). I just don’t want anyone else.

Even with the lack of sex in our relationship that I am fairly unhappy about, I love everything else. I love him and really want to see where this goes. I have been trying to stay positive, but it gets harder each day that it gets closer to our possible doom.

Its two weeks into his month long absence and its killing me. I hate it. I miss his kiss, and our cuddles.