Ramblings and Over Thoughts

I over think things a lot, as well as nit pick and analyze. One thing I have been trying to teach myself is to take things for what they are and not to over think.

At first I was worried when I got so many mixed signals from Andy last week, but I have pretty much talked myself out of any worries I have. For example: He likes me, he must if he keeps talking everyday. He wouldn’t have held my hand if he didn’t want to the other night. If he didn’t want my hand resting on his leg, he could have easily changed positions so that it wasn’t resting there naturally. He definitely wouldn’t call me hun every once in a while. Today he mentioned another date night (no day set yet because he is still out of town), but we definitely have a plan.

The other day I got a little paranoid when he wasn’t as talkative. I was worried that me texting him some variant of “Good morning, hope you have a good day,” was getting annoying or irritating. He immediately texted back that it was perfectly fine and sweet, that it meant I thought about him when I woke up. My mind was instantly put at ease.

Things are going well, and seem to be on the right track. I look forward to seeing where things go. As far as H goes, things are pretty much over with him. I honestly feel a little icky for having sex with him now. I mean, the sex was good, but now he has every excuse in the book to get out of seeing me again. I don’t need that kind of negativity.

Promising Potential

I went on a movie date with Andy a week after my karaoke date with H. At this point I was undecided on who I preferred join me to my company Christmas party. The movie was good, but uneventful as far as the date went. We hugged when I got there and hugged twice as we said goodbye, but that was it.

Since nothing really happened at the movie, I figured that H would be the best date since I requested the day after off from work (in hopes of taking one of them home after). H agreed happily to be my date, but cancelled three days before the party. No reason, just a text that said “Not going to be able to make it.” I tried calling and texting. His phone was turned off.

After I cooled off during my failed attempts to contact H, I waited for Andy’s usual evening text. Once I knew I had his attention I asked if he wanted to be my date and apologizing for my late notice. He happily accepted and my worries disappeared. When I asked if he wanted me to pick him up or meet him there he said he wanted to sleep on it. The next morning he said he wanted to drink there, but didn’t want to seem selfish by making me drive. That night after a bottle of wine I told him that I liked the idea of picking him up, as it would give us more one on one time. He said that was perfectly fine and actually worked out better.

The day of the party I got several texts throughout the day from Andy that made my heart flutter. The first one was informing that he couldn’t dance, but would try. That meant the world to me, since people usually just tell me they don’t dance, no ifs, ands, or buts. The fact that he was willing to put in an effort made me smile the rest of the work day. Later that evening as I was getting ready he texted asking if I was excited for the night, because he was. Once again the butterflies in my stomach went nuts.

At the party, I introduced him to my coworkers and we sat down. My coworker and her husband left to go get their picture taken and had us hold the table. He seemed very eager when I asked if he wanted to get our picture next. Now, I usually don’t do pics of my face, but this night I was feeling very confident and photogenic.

The rest of the night went on, entertaining but uneventful. We never got a chance to dance because there was only karaoke and no one else dancing. On the drive to drop him off we started planning our next date where I would cook him dinner and we watch a movie at my place. The drive was way too short, and sooner than I liked we were at his place. A big part of me was hoping for an invite in, but it didn’t happen. We decided to give each other a real hug so I parked and got out. While hugging I got gutsy and gave him a kiss on the cheek, where I immediately got one back from him. The hug ended and I drove home happy, but a tad frustrated.

Fast forward to the end of the week when he comes over for dinner and a movie. I made beef burgundy in the crockpot and had the Warcraft movie ready. We sat on opposite ends of the couch while eating. After we got done eating he got up for a minute to use the restroom. While he was gone I grabbed my back pillow so that I wasn’t so low in the couch (I am short and it sinks). When he came back and sat down, he sat down closer to me. As he settled himself back in, out hands interlocked.

No one really initiated the hand holding. It just kind of happened and it was nice. We fit well together. Towards the end of the movie an alarm on his phone went off and he broke the hand holding to turn it off. We didn’t go back to hand holding, even after my few “hinting” brushes of my hand on his. However, my hand ended up naturally resting on his leg the rest of the movie.

After the movie he had to go, since he had a long drive to see his family for winter break the next morning. We hugged goodbye. I gave another kiss on his cheek, but it was not returned this time.

He is still gone, and will be for another two or three weeks. I feel like I have gotten a lot of mixed signals, but they are mostly good signals. We text every day, and once in a while he calls me hun. Some days he is chattier than others. I try not to let it go to my head when he takes forever to respond. I know he is busy visiting with family for the holidays and such.

I definitely see a lot of potential with him/us. He is respectful and kind. As much as I love sex and intimacy, I also really like that things are moving slowly with him. It’s a nice change that feels full of promise. The last time things went slow like this with someone was when I dated Will, who lasted almost 2 years.

Side note: I heard from H the day before my work Christmas party. His excuse for bailing? He had to keep his roommate company at his work. Oh, and his phone was off because the battery exploded on him. I don’t believe half of that crap.


Taking Him Home

“I want to take you home with me, but I am not sure if I am ready to have sex yet,” I told H in the crowded karaoke bar. We were on the date I mentioned in my previous post. I was horny, but not quite sure how far I wanted to go with him.

“That is perfectly fine. We can do whatever you are comfortable with,” he responded.

“I definitely want to cuddle and kiss. I want to do it in my bed though,” I admitted.

“We can totally do that,” he said.

As the karaoke wrapped up, I made my final decision to take him home with me. We snuck in quietly so as not to disturb my sleeping roommate. Once we were both settled in my room after taking turns doing our business in the bathrooms, we took off our shoes and cuddled on the bed.

We kissed and felt around each others clothed bodies. Eventually our shirts and my bra came off. He moaned in pure bliss as I scratched my nails down his back. After a while, my hands travelled to the bulge in his jeans. I rubbed his hardness, imagining how it looked outside of his pants.

“Do you want to touch it?” he asked, in almost a pleading tone.

“I am touching it,” I said in a very playful tone and a huge grin on my face, already teasing the waistband above his cock.

“No, I mean touch it without the pants in the way,” he said, not catching my joke.

I reached for the button of his jeans, but he beat me to it. I moved my hand so that his cock could escape the confines of his pants. As soon as it was free, I wrapped my hand around it and felt it pulse in my hand.

He finished taking off his pants and I wriggled out of mine. We situated ourselves back on the bed and heavy petting ensued. I rubbed his cock with enthusiasm as he fingered his way around my pussy. He was amazed at how soaking wet I was, even asking if I came a few times. I had to tell him I had never came from anything but a vibrator. He was disappointed, but finally accepted the fact, though trying to convince me to get my toy.

It was 4 in the morning when we finally decided to get some sleep. As we were laying there cuddling after the light was turned off I made a comment. I forgot the wording, but it implied that I wanted sex. Immediately he perked up and asked if I wanted to. I said yes, but I thought he wanted to sleep.

“That was before I knew we could have sex,” he said as he moved his body between my legs. I parted my legs and he began teasing my hungry cunt with his still hard cock. I lifted my hips to try and get him to slide in, but he stayed outside. When I was finally begging for hit he slid in easily.

I immediately flexed my kegel muscles around him. His thrusts started slow, but the quickly picked up. He found a nice rhythm of when his cock went deep I squeezed, letting go as he pulled back, and so forth. Damn he felt good.

He pulled back a little further and got my right leg over his shoulder, allowing him more depth. He wanted to go deeper so we folded up a pillow and slid it under my ass. Soon after he was coming hard and fast.

We fell asleep cuddling after he came back from cleaning up. When we woke up 6 hours later we had another go round at the sex. He was determined to make me orgasm, but it just wasn’t happening. My pussy was starting to feel sore anyways, since it wasn’t used to so much attention.

For most of the day way talked, cuddled and kissed. I kept saying we should get up and start the day. I had to get him home at some point, but neither of us wanted to leave the comfort of my bed and each other.

Finally in the mid afternoon we decided to get up, but not before one last quick fuck. He felt amazing as usual, but my pussy had finally had enough and was just too sore. We grudgingly got dressed and went for a bite to eat of late lunch/early dinner.


Because it Felt Good

I have been horny all week. i went off my birth control last month and my depression lifted, bringing back my sex drive in full force. i still masturbated, but only to have a sleep inducing orgasm. it felt ok, good enough to come, but it was never fantastic.

This morning I found out my plans got shattered for the day. i was bored and didn’t know what to do. I  have a date later tonight with H, but thats not until hours from now.

I thought about how turned on I have been. I got to thinking about the possibility of some sexy fun tonight after my date. I thought about how good my vibrator would feel on my clit.

I decided to masturbate. I figured my toy would die of a dead battery, so I wasn’t planning on an orgasm. I just wanted to feel good. I wanted to feel that pent up horniness all evening, letting it escalate so that when I got home I could take it on my date or my freshly charged toy.

As soon as I touched the soft silicone to my clit I was hooked. It felt amazing as I realized I was masturbating because it felt good, not just because I needed to fall out of sleep, or just pure habit to have an orgasm once a week.

I kept waiting for the vibration to die out, but it held strong. I started feeling close to climax and turned it off. Did i want the orgasm? of course I did, but not so soon. I was enjoying the unexplainable pleasure coursing through my body. I turned it back on with intent to finish what I started. 

I started thinking about possibly having a play partner for the night. I imagined how it would be. At what instance would I see his throbbing cock for the first time. Would he be cut or uncut? Would I get the urge to suck his dick? Would we manage to have sex? 

At the idea of him entering my dripping, wet, and achingly hungry for penetration pussy I started to feel close. I tightened my cunt, imagining him sliding in and me tightening around him. 

I felt the waves of pleasure take over my body. Pressing my vibrator into position on my clit, I moaned and rode out my orgasm in pure bliss. It felt so good.

Probably Not Friend Zoned

It was probably my low self confidence, but I got the feeling I was getting friend zoned until he asked me to dinner Monday night. After a lot of back and forth texting, the place we wanted to try was closed Mondays. We settled for Wednesday since I had plans Tuesday.

I was nervous for Wednesday’s dinner with Andy, but was excited to see where it went. Dinner went well, and he even insisted on paying. That never happens. After the bill was paid, he asked if I wanted to get ice cream. I agreed and we debated how we would get there.

We decided on taking my car, as I half rolled my ankle that day leaving work and his car was several blocks away because parking was screwy. We got in my car and turned it on. As I turned the lights on and was reaching for the gearshift, the restaurant’s delivery truck pulled up behind me and blocked me in. Andy got out to ask the driver to move so we could leave and came back to say the driver didn’t speak English.

We decided to walk after all, even though he offered to run and get his car. It was a nice walk downhill to the frozen yogurt shop. I managed to pay for our dessert, even though he was very hesitant to let me do so. Dessert was delicious and I didn’t want it to end. Unfortunately it did and we had to start the trek uphill.

I tried to keep my breathing steady walking up, but it was hard because of asthma. Luckily he did most of the talking. When we finally got to my car he lingered a bit making small talk. I asked if he wanted a hug and he lit up.

“Yes! Come here you,” he said happily as he gave me a really nice hug.

I offered to give him a ride to his car, but he wanted to walk. When I got home we texted each other goodnight.

The next night I got a text at 1 AM from him explaining a few things. It all made sense, and I told him I understood. He said that it was a good point for me to know so that I am not surprised in the future. I really hope that means he sees as much potential as I do. He’s adorable.

It Comes in Twos

One thing I have noticed recently is that my dating life tends to come in twos. Anytime I have got into some kind of relationship, it has always been when I had to choose between one guy and another.

Example 1: Right before Ex #3 and I became an item my mom was trying to set me up with a Fireman she met at her work. He picked me up once and we hung out. I started seeing Ex #3 right after so things never progressed. I really wish I remembered more about my time with the firefighter because that would have been a decent post, being as how most every female has a fireman fantasy. Damn I missed out on that one!

Example 2: Right before I started seeing Will, I had a huge Crush on Brent. It was a huge toss up on which one would make a move first. In the end Will made the first move, which I think in the end was best because I honestly don’t think Brent and I would have worked in the end because of religious differences. Well, Will and I didn’t work out for other reasons, but that’s not the point.

Example 3:  Any minor relationship that comes about, J comes back into the picture. Something usually happens to end things with said new guy to make me end up with J. J then burns me a little bit more by disappearing himself.

Example 4 – The Present: At the beginning of October I started talking to a guy on a dating site. We had a lot in common and talked online for over a month. After the month was up I asked if he wanted to meet. We had lunch and things went well. We exchanged numbers and texted often. I was honestly surprised he stayed talking to me, since I don’t have the best track record when it comes to that. I will call him Andy.

Not even after a week of meeting Andy, A guy I will call H texts me out of the blue and asks me to go to a concert. To make up for having to drive the opposite direction I say he can buy dinner since I don’t accept gas money. At the end we decide it is a date.

All week I think about how it always comes in twos. I was worried about who I should choose, wondering if at least one will stick around to be my date to my work’s Christmas party. I didn’t want to lead either of them on or have one of them end up getting hurt. I think I have decided on who has the most potential, but that will be another post.


“So now we decide if this was a date or nondate,” he said as I pulled up to his house after dinner and a concert.

“Oh,” I replied, a bit shocked. I hadn’t even thought it was possible to be a date, just because he had never made any show of interest before. 

“A nondate we would hug or shake hands. A date we would kiss,” he explained. 

I felt a tug deep inside, but nerves kept me from blurting out date. “What are you comfortable with?” i asked shyly. 

“I am good with either one,” he stated.

Still in shock, I suggested we hug and see what happens. i wasn’t opposed to a kiss, as I had felt attracted to him from the moment of first meeting. I just never imagined he was attracted to me.

We hugged as best we could being in a car. The hug lasted and we both commented that we could  feel the week’s stress lifting away. hugging turned into cuddling and neither of us wanted to let go.

“Is your car still running?” he asked. 

“Oh, yeah, I guess it is,” I said, not really caring. He reached over and turned it off. I  reached forward and turned off the headlights. “There,” I said, smiling. 

“Have you ever had an eskimo kiss?” he asked.

“That’s where you rub your noses together, right?” I responded, knowing full well what it was while my stomach did somersaults. At this point I was dying for that kiss, but was enjoying what I assumed was his playful way of getting to that point.  

“That’s exactly what it is,” he said as I was taking my glasses off. I knew where this was going. 

 Once my glasses were off and safely on the dashboard I leaned towards him. He met me half way and our noses softly touched. We  giglled and leaned back before leaning righr back in. Our noses touched again. Before we pulled away, he planted his lips on mine. 

It was like a fiery passion that lit inside me when our lips locked and our hands began exploring. We mostly hugged and kissed, and while we were hugging I began to rub and scratch his back. I whispered in his ear to take off his jacket and he complied.

With his jacket off we were able to move more freely. His hands ventured towards my breasts and he began fweling them all over. He awkwardly tried to get his hands up my shirt, but my bra was making it impossible. I pulled back just long enough to manuever out of the bra and toss it on the back seat.

He was impressed with how quickly I got rid of the bra and wasted no time in getting  my tits in his hand. He discovered my nipple piercings and got even more excited. Before I  knew it,  my nipples were taking turns in his mouth.

In between making out and cuddling (as much as you can do in the feont of a car) we chatted  about everything. Neither of us could seem to break apart. I didn’t want to know the time because I had to be at work in a few hours.

Too soon, the night came to an end. I absolutely had to get home and try to get a tiny nap before work. We definitely plan to hang again. I got 3 hours  of a  very wakeful and restless sleep. it was so worth it.

Lessons in Geography 

We didn’t really have anywhere to go. No where private at least, that didn’t require money. Ready to take it a little bit further, test the waters, but not quite ready to bring the other home.

We ended up meeting in the mall parking lot and go from there. When he pulled up next to me I got out to greet him. We hugged and kissed briefly, then decided to warm up by walking around the mall a bit. 

We did a half lap around our tiny mall and walked back out to my car. I unlocked it and we slid into the middle seats of the minivan.

Leaning the seats back we let ourselves relax. We talked about our day, and vented about the last few days we had to spend apart. It was only date number two, but it felt like we knew each other much longer.

I couldn’t stop looking in his eyes. They were the perfect shade of milk chocolate. He would notice me looking and lean over to kiss me. It didn’t take long for us to start making out, exploring each other’s lips and tongues. I don’t normally enjoy a lot of tongue, but his was just right. I showed him how I loved having my bottom lip sucked and he happily obliged.

We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, but it was awkward finding the right positions to explore each other in. The temperature also started to make things somewhat uncomfortable. Catching my breath from his kisses, I stood up and leaned forward to turn the key in the ignition so that I could Crack the windows.

While half bending/half standing, fiddling with the windows, I felt his hand reach out and feel my waist. He slid it down my hip and Gabe a gentle smack on my ass. I grinned as I turned around and half straddled him (being careful not to put my full weight on him). I held myself up with one arm pressing on the seat, the other resting on his chest. I kissed him deeply and passionately. 

I finally made it back to my seat, and he followed. He then took his turn to straddle me. Kissing me all over, finding all the right spots. If I wasn’t already sitting I would be weak in the knees. While he kissed, I explored with my hands. I found my own sensitive spots on him to drive him wild.

Then something very sexy and intimate happened. Apparently I had found too many ticklish spots (oops :p ).

“I think it’s time for a geography lesson,” he said with a huge grin on his face as he took off his shirt. He took my hands, one in each of his, and placed them behind him on his upper back.

“Warm,” he said matter of fact lyrics. He then slid my hands down his back and rested them on the middle lower part. “Warmer,” he said simply.

He moved my hands to the top of his chest. “Still warmer,” he said before sliding to his stomach. “Very warm,” he stated. Assuming where he was going to place my hands next, he surprised me and moved them up instead, resting near his armpits. “Cold. Very cold,” he said before moving hands to the original place I had expected. “Very, very hot.”

My panties were soaked by then. I admired him in the fading light of the sunset. He was a beautiful man. I didn’t know how I had gotten so lucky. 

As much as it had cooled off outside, it was still stifling hot inside my van. I looked around and realized just how late it was getting. I also noticed how steamed up my windows were. They were like the car in the Titanic movie.  The only thing they needed was a hand print.

When we finally realized the time and were able to break away, we said our sad goodbyes. I was stuck defogging my windows for a good 10 minutes until it was clear enough to see.

Birthday Tease

After spending some time cuddling on his couch, we figured it was time to go for a dip. Once inside the hot tub house we stripped off all of our clothes. J got in first and I followed, taking his hand for support as I lowered myself in.

He floated over to the opposite side and I followed, sitting next to him. Using my right hand to keep myself somewhat still (as the water made me so buoyant), I wrapped my left hand around his already hard cock.

With a grin on my face I moved my hand up and down his length, my cunt tingling and clenching in needy anticipation. I leaned up and started kissing his neck, giving little nibbles and light sucks, then moving up to his lips where he kissed me back.

Letting go of his cock for the moment, I shifted my body so that I was straddling his lap, just as I had always fantasized. I kept up with the kisses, but this time grinding my pussy on his cock, feeling myself tingle with need with each poke of his cock.

With one arm wrapped around him for support, I used my free hand to spread my lips so that his cock could rub my clit. My muscles clenched even tighter, imagining his cock entering me for the first time in what was way too long.

He then sat up and set me on the hot tub bench and positioned himself in front of me. With the ledge supporting my neck, I wrapped my legs around him, his cock poking between between us. I loosened my grip and wiggled my hips so that his cock rested on my opening.

With one thrust he was inside me and my body relaxed around him. One pump and I gave him a squeeze. As he pulled back, I loosened my pussy grip. With his second thrust I held onto him again. One last third pump and he pulled himself out.

We kissed some more, while I said under my breath how good his cock felt inside me. Too soon we were both too hot to continue our play, so we got out and dried off. It may have just a tease, but it was just enough to give us that intimacy we desired, while being careful of being caught.

Blindsided Pt. 2

We spent the next few weeks talking, and every Friday he would come over. The first Friday I invited him over for dinner and Game of Thrones, which he planned on introducing me to. I cooked him my specialty, a Mexican lasagna. I made sure to shave and groom in all the proper places. That is when I realized how much I had let myself go.

It felt really good to put in an effort again on how I looked, felt, and even smelt. I also realized how conditioned I was when it came to preparing for someone to get me in the bedroom. I taught myself to expect naughty things when I shaved my pussy, even my legs. It was no accident when I put on matching bra and panties. I got turned on smelling my more expensive body spray when I used it.

Things went well with him and I at first. I found him sweet and respectful. He was the total opposite of the guys I tend to go for, both physically and intellectually, though we did share a few common interests. Unfortunately he had quite a bit of baggage, but I was willing to overlook it. I knew from the start not to get attached, as he was still currently living with his ex and planning on leaving the state to get back on his feet with his buddy once the funds were put together.

That first night he came over we spent a long time chatting before we actually got to eating and watching GoT. When we finally did get to watching the show, it was on my bed (as there is no other TV in the apartment). We cuddled a bit, which felt amazing. We got a little handsy, but it stayed above the waist. Towards the end of the show we found ourselves smiling at each other, not paying much attention to the show. He leaned forward and our lips touched. We shared a few more kisses throughout the rest of the evening; nothing too hot and heavy, but classy and respectful.

After a few episodes it was time for him to go home. When we got up and reached my bedroom door (that was shut because my roommate was home) he noticed my over the door toy rack. After taking great pains to hide all things naughty, I completely forgot about my rack. We kind of chuckled about it, and I explained about getting stuff to review. I then showed him a few of my favorites. I then walked him out to his car and we hugged and kissed. It was hard to say goodbye. I made a crack about how I hope he forgot something that he would have to come back for. He laughed at that and was on his way.

The next day I came home and saw his phone charger sitting where he charged his phone the day before. I chuckled to myself and texted him where it was. He came over the next day to get it. We had leftover lasagna and watched another episode, but something felt different. I got the feeling that he didn’t really want to be there. We didn’t cuddle like we did the night before. As soon as the episode was over, he was out the door, charger in hand. I messaged him later and asked what was going on and he said that I worry too much.

The next Friday he came over again, and he was extremely late, with not much care about it. I was a little annoyed, as I had dinner ready. We got into watching more GoT and cuddling. Towards the end of the evening he fell asleep. I felt a bit awkward, but I let him sleep. At the end of the episode he woke up and I suggested that he stay the night. We watched one more episode and then called it a night.

In the middle of the night I woke up to him talking. At first I thought he was talking to me, but quickly realized he was sleep talking. He kept apologizing, and when I asked what he was sorry for, he took my hand and placed it on his hard cock.

I couldn’t help myself and started rubbing him everywhere; his cock, legs, and stomach. He started to wake up then (more than he already was) and began to kiss me. He told me it was getting to be too warm, so I suggested that we strip a bit. He agreed to that and removed several layers of clothes. It wasn’t long before were were both in our underwear.

We began feeling each other all over, exploring where we didn’t explore before. He found my nipples and was very excited to find out that they were pierced. I put my hand on his stomach and moved down to his cock, my index finger circling his head, then moving up and down the shaft, feeling his length.

“You’re playing with fire,” he said in a playful voice.

“You don’t want me to?” I asked innocently.

“Oh, I do, but I think we should wait,” he said hesitantly.

“Heh, damn. Ok,” I responded, a little defeated.

We continued to cuddle and slept nearly naked in each other’s arms the rest of the night. He woke up early the next morning for work and I walked him to his car after we got dressed. I went back to bed.

We chatted all week, and he spent the next Friday with me, where we actually did have sex and it was awesome.

After that we quit hanging out. He decided to go back to his ex and work on things with her. He was very apologetic about the whole thing, but I was totally ok with the situation. He brought my sexuality back, which was the best gift I could have ever been given. I would do it all again and plus some.