TMI Tuesday – Past, Future, and Present

Let’s do this thing–TMI Tuesday.

​1. What do you think about when you’re alone in your car? 

In my car or not, I am most always thinking about Aaron, my boyfriend. I replay the times we share together, and plan the future. Never have I ever felt so amazing, loved, and adored by one human being. It is a new feeling and I am rather addicted to it.

2. What advice do you have for your previous lover?

Don’t be afraid to open up, and communication is key. If you aren’t attracted to someone, you should not date them. Also, don’t be a dick. Don’t be nice in the beginning then turn into a dick. Just don’t.

3. What  inspires you?

To be completely honest, Aaron inspires me. He inspires me to get out of bed in the morning, and is my rock when I am having a rough day at work. He makes me want to strive to be a better person, both inside and out, physically and emotionally. Once finances allow, I plan to quit buying crap for food and getting the healthy stuff. I want to better my body and be healthy. Not just for myself, but for him and our future.

4. If you were to get rid of one person in your life, who would it be and why?

Honestly, I am pretty happy with who I have in my life. I have a few close friends, I have Aaron, and I have a few family members. The most toxic person in my life moved away and we no longer talk.

5. How do you cope when your level of sexual desire doesn’t match your partners? 

This question I know the answer all too well. Until Aaron, everyone I dated had little to no sex drive. It was tough, I will not lie. There was a lot of masturbation that helped get me through.

Bonus:  Are you single, why? Are you married, why?

I am neither single nor married. I am in the best boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that I have ever had. Why? Because I met an amazing man that I can share anything with, and he can with me. The communication we share is amazing, as is all the other things we have in common.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Kink of the Week – Halloween

As a kid I loved Halloween. I loved getting dressed up, and my favorite costume was always a witch. No idea why, it just was. I loved going trick-or-treating, and my favorite year was the one that my mom was out of town and my dad took me around town. That was rare, getting to spend time with my dad off of our mountain.

The last time I went trick-or-treating was with my high school friends my sophomore year. It was my last year because almost every house we went to commented about us being too old to do such a thing. We responded with the fact that at least we weren’t out partying or doing drugs/drinking alcohol.

As an adult, I quit caring about getting dressed up, especially after Halloween 2011. That was the day my world came crashing down, when the person I lived with, had been together almost 2 years decided we didn’t work together. I have long since moved past that, and I see it as him doing a favor now, because I realize how unhappy I was, but at the time it hurt a lot.

Costumes have gotten way too expensive, and I have never really been creative enough to make my own costume. This year at work they keep encouraging me to dress up, but I am just not into it. When I told them today that I had no interest, they actually seemed somewhat annoyed with me. I got annoyed at them. I shouldn’t have to dress up.

However, there is one costume I would love to have, and have wanted it for a very long time. I want a school girl outfit so badly! I am not sure what it is, but something about it is just so damn hot to me. I love the red plaid skirt, the stockings, and the button up white shirt. Someday I will own one, at least I hope. Every so often I look for them online, but always get discouraged at the price and sizes. My search usually ends pretty quickly. Someday though, it will happen.

Kink of the Week – Handjobs

Believe it or not, the first time I touched a penis did not include a handjob. I started with blowjobs, and to be quite honest, I prefer those over handjobs. For the sake of the prompt though, I will elaborate on handjobs.

Handjobs can be fun, and one of the best ways I can learn how my partner likes his cock to be handled. Where on the shaft is the best place to wrap my hand around? Does he like a firm grip, light grip, or somewhere in between? There is nothing I love more than twirling my index finger around the head of his cock and taking the precum with me, drenching the head with it.

I have never given a handjob in an unusual place, and thinking about it, it has always been in a bedroom. I have also never given my current partner a handjob, though we have done other things. I am sure it will happen eventually, and it will be just as all of the other times we have played.

We did have a bit of a mutual masturbation session the other night, which was very hot in my opinion. I loved seeing the way he handled himself, and I took mental notes as I watched and played myself. I would love to time my orgasm to his so that we could have an orgasm at the same time. Thinking about it drives me wild. Thinking about him drives me wild.

Laying it on Thick

I was texting with Aaron today (like we tend to do a lot at work, especially on break when there are others around) and I was laying it on thick. Complimenting, flirting, etc. He was doing the same and I didn’t stop smiling once.

When I got home I picked up the flirting even more, adding in extra “*blushes*” after compliments. I may have added one too many because he finally asked why I was blushing even more. I realized I kind of set a trap for myself and walked right into it.

I decided to come clean and told him that I liked him, but had been afraid of making things awkward if he didn’t feel the same. I didn’t realize that I was holding my breath until he texted back that he felt the same way. The weight that lifted off my shoulders was amazing.

We have plans to hang out on our days off, and we will see what happens. There is talk of going out on a date at some point, so I am nervous/excited for that. We are both looking forward to seeing where things go.

The Good, the Conflict, and the Potential

I know that my updating has become quite sporadic, and I apologize. A combination of being busy (I have a social life now, believe it or not) and not much to say. I was paranoid about Andy finding my blog, though I don’t think he would have cared too much.

As of last night, Andy and I are no more. He is moving out of the area and neither of us wanted long distance. He doesn’t feel like it works, and I had been wanting to end things for a while anyways. For the most part I was happy, but the other part I was miserable.

Things became even more complicated when I started to develop feelings for one of my coworkers, now friend. I am pretty sure he likes me too, but we are both too shy to admit it. We are always complimenting each other, flirting, and dropping innuendos. Around him we can talk forever or sit in silence and we are both content enjoying each other’s company. With him, the hours feel like minutes and the minutes feel like seconds.

I find myself able to open up to Aaron (coworker crush) much more than I ever did with Andy. We also have loads more in common than I did with Andy. I am curious to see where we go. Will we friend zone each other, or are we on the path to a beautiful relationship? Only time will tell.

I have a lot of conflicting feelings about Andy, and I have for the last few months. On one hand I am excited to try for Aaron, but I am also sad to see Andy go. If things don’t work romantically with Aaron I am dreading having to go through the whole dating process over again. If things don’t work out, I am in no rush to meet someone new. I am just so sick of people I am close to moving away.

Breakfast of Champions

We had discussed the idea of me waking him up with head many times, however I was always either too shy to do so or the timing just wasn’t right (usually had to rush off to work when staying over on a work night). Last weekend I was determined to be brave enough. It had been a long time since we played and I needed it badly.

I woke up next to him and rolled over to spoon. As I glanced down I noticed his morning wood. That was the encouragement I needed. I began running my hand up and down the length of his body, feeling him all over, taking it all in. With each stroke I let my hand get closer and closer to his cock.

In a sleepy moan, he rolled over to his side facing away from me, but pulling my into a big spoon/little spoon position. He clutched my hand to his chest and went back to sleep. I snuggled against him, content to be in his arms. He finally let go of my hand and I began rubbing him all over again, getting a little bolder with my hand.

I let my hand linger around his cock, feeling what I had access to. As I felt him twitch alive again he grabbed my hand and pulled it to his chest again. I took that as a hint to leave him alone and snuggled up to him again. I admit, I was a little annoyed, but was understanding and patient.

A few minutes later he woke up and I commented about the heat in the room. He told me to go take a cold shower. Annoyed, I asked him if he thought I needed to cool off in more ways than one. He chuckled and said no, but that he was dreaming that I was feeling him all over. I told him it wasn’t a dream, but he kept pulling my hand away so I took a hint.

He said he didn’t realize that he stopped me in his sleep because he very much wanted me to continue. I grinned mischievously at him as we both adjusted ourselves so that I had access to his cock. I began by just rubbing through his pajama shorts, until his cock got hard.

Once he was hard, I slipped my hand inside to rub through his boxers. I reached inside the flap and gently pulled out his cock. I rubbed and stroked for a bit, until I stated that I wanted to suck it. He said that I could and freed himself from his shorts.

I excitedly curled up next to him and bent my head. I kissed the tip, then softly ran my tongue around before lowering my mouth onto him. I was so happy to have his cock in my mouth again. I massaged my tongue around him, while beginning to suck and move my head up and down his shaft.

I was very enthusiastic in my efforts, as I desperately wanted to make him come and taste him. Once I got a steady rhythm, I picked up my pace and suction. I could tell he was getting close, and I oh so desperately wanted to switch my rhythm and technique so that I could keep going, but getting him to orgasm was my goal. He said between breaths that he was close and I kept up exactly what I was doing. He started gently grinding his hips into my face. I followed his rhythm and kept going.

I finally heard the words I have been wanting to hear since we started dating. He was coming. He moaned the sexiest of moans and shortly after I felt his sweet, hot liquid shoot into my mouth. As his orgasm slowed down, I slowed down, making sure to clean every last drop. I swallowed easily and moved up to cuddle him some more. He held me, and we thanked each other.

“Now, how about we go find something for you to eat other than come?” he said jokingly.

I smiled and told him that I just had the breakfast of champions, full of protein. We giggled and cuddled some more before getting up to get dressed and starting the day.

A Test of Sorts

The boyfriend is gone for nearly a month, and after this weekend he will be pretty much off the grid for almost 2 weeks. He is on his summer vacation, visiting family and friends down south. I miss him terribly, and it gets harder every day.

We still manage to at least say good morning, but after that he usually gets busy and either doesn’t talk again til late evening or the next morning. Some nights we were able to Skype and play video games, which is nice, but just not the same.

I have been kind of looking at his absence as a test for if/when he moves and whether or not we continue things as a long distance couple. At this point, I feel like I care more for him than he does for me, but that is probably my low self esteem talking. He has a hard time opening up, which also makes me wonder how he really feels about me.

Without knowing how he feels, or what he sees with me in the future, I don’t think I could do long distance. I really hate to say that, and I hate the idea of having to move on (again) and learn to know someone all over again (though sometimes that can be half the fun). I just don’t want anyone else.

Even with the lack of sex in our relationship that I am fairly unhappy about, I love everything else. I love him and really want to see where this goes. I have been trying to stay positive, but it gets harder each day that it gets closer to our possible doom.

Its two weeks into his month long absence and its killing me. I hate it. I miss his kiss, and our cuddles.

Meeting the Family

The week before last his graduation finally came up in conversation. I told him I fully intended to go, but I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to go. He said he would like me there. I asked if I would be able to meet his family coming up and all he said was maybe.

Two days before the graduation he made it sound like he didn’t care if I was there, and I probably wouldn’t meet the family. Then he said I could maybe meet his mom, just not the others. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt. For the most part I understood, but my low self confidence made it feel like it was me he didn’t want to introduce to them.

The day before on my way home from work I realized how heartbroken I really was in not being able to be involved in his graduation plans. I got the impression that even if I went to the ceremony I wouldn’t be able to see him at all. I was completely crushed at the idea of not being included on his big day. I admit that I started to get a little jealous of his family. I started to not feel that important to him, and eventually considered to not go at all. I knew if I didn’t go I would feel guilty . I also started crying at the idea of going and not being able to say hi. I felt like he was ashamed of me.

After a nearly sleepless night and sitting through my best friend’s graduation (there were several ceremonies that day) I texted him and asked if he wanted me there. He simply told me I could go. With lots of reservations, I made arrangements to get there. I picked a spot to enable myself to easily describe my location in a huge crown and texted him where I was. I started to cry, still under the assumption that I would not see him. I knew he was somewhere there, along with his family, and here I was alone trying to be supportive.

I had just wiped the last tears from my eyes, considering letting them start up again, when I realized someone was standing in front of me. With thoughts of annoyance at who was cutting in on what little privacy I had while I spilled my overreacting tears, I looked up to see him standing with a lady.

All thoughts of sadness escaped me as we hugged, kissed, and he introduced me to his mom. We shook hands and she asked me the obligatory questions any good mother would ask the chick her son is dating. Sadly it was a short visit since he had to go get ready with his graduating class. As she walked away, she told me how happy I made him.

From then on I felt much better about being there, and five minutes later I got a text thanking me for being there. After what seemed like ages, they finally called his name. About 20 minutes later I get the text I had been waiting forever for, asking if I wanted to join him and his family for dinner. He told me to meet him at his place and we would go from there.

I quickly got home and changed, making sure to put something on a little bit nicer. It was the moment I had been waiting for, and suddenly I was nervous. What if they didn’t like me?

It turned out that I had nothing to worry about. I met his mom, dad, stepmom, grandma, and several family friends. I fit in well. OUr dinner reservations were fairly late in the evening, so we ended up closing the restaurant. Eventually they started to plan breakfast and who was coming. His family was very insistent that I join.

I enjoyed getting to know them, and hope to see them again soon. I was glad that they seemed to like me.

Only Time Will Tell

As I said in several previous posts, the future of my current relationship is a complete waiting game. These least few weeks have been rough as school has kept him too busy for my liking. When we first met, one of the first things I asked him was if he planned to stay or leave after he graduated. He made it seem like he wanted to stay.

However, fairly early on in our relationship he made several comments about moving away. As we got closer to the end of school it has been something hanging over my head. We have started to talk about it several times, but both of us got too sad to really continue the conversation. I started to just assume he would leave right after.

The other night I started to get a different impression. He said he was going to do everything he could to stay, and would do so as long as possible. When discussing the dates he would be gone he mentioned cutting that time in half to stay in town with me.

I really hope he does stick around. I have been trying to stay positive whenever I started to dwell on the what ifs. Things are still in a huge waiting game, but at the moment they are starting to look more in my favor. Only time will Tell.

It’s Complicated

I never really understood the point in saying a relationship was complicated. I used to figure it either was a thing or it wasn’t; the feeling are or they aren’t. At least until I didn’t understand up until now.

Now I know it really can be complicated. It is not as easy as black and white. I am feeling like my relationship is drifting into complicated territory and I finally understand. I go from being really happy when I am with him, especially when we kiss, cuddle, and hold hands. However, when we are apart, I can’t help but feel slightly unhappy.

The unhappiness comes mostly from my lack of self confidence, but it also has to do with the lack of sexuality in our relationship. I have a very high sex drive and I am finding out that he does not. I used to think that his workload and stress was a huge factor, but now I can’t help but feel like it has to do with me. It wouldn’t be the first time.

I also can’t help but feel the inevitable approach. He will be graduating and potentially moving out of the area unless he miraculously gets a job in the area, Even then he might not stick around.

I fell in love with him, but I couldn’t get him to fall for me. Soon we are either going to have to step up our relationship prematurely or end it before it truly gets a chance to bloom. We have been talking for 7 months, and officially a couple for about 4. It feels too soon to have the talk about moving in with each other, but if he can’t get a job and does want to stay, one of us will have to move in. I have thought about it long and hard and am willing to support him financially if it comes down to it. I would love it if he stayed.

I don’t feel ready to move with him, if that is what he wants. I would be willing to go long distance, but if it ends before we get anywhere I feel like I might start resenting him. I would feel like I wasted a bunch of time twiddling my thumbs waiting for something to happen when it never does.

I have been trying really hard to think positively, but it is getting harder as what feels like the end comes near. Each day that passes my feelings get a little bit more complicated,