Sexual Changes

**I have been trying to keep up the habit of writing and posting every day. I ran out of things to review and my sex life has been a bit lacking, so I googled “sex blog writing prompts.” I came across a set of 10 questions and prompts that pertain to sex.**

9. What changes if any would you like to make about your sexual self? What sexual changes would you like to see your partner make?

If I was going to be blunt about my answer, I would say that I wish I was getting sex more frequently. However, that seems harsh. While yes, I do feel that sex is lacking in my current relationship, but I also know that he has a lot going on. I like this guy more than anyone else I ever dated, and he treats me better than anyone I have ever called my boyfriend.

For the most part I like that our relationship isn’t solely based around sex, and that he truely likes me for me. However, I do wish we had more sex. I have been craving that intimacy lately. That is one reason why my masturbation habits have went from once a week or every other week to once a day or every other day.

So, to answer the question, I want to change how I see myself. I want to grow confidence. I want to feel bold enough to make the first move instead of being so afraid of rejection that I don’t try at all. A lot of times I found out after the fact that he was in the mood or could have easily gotten in the mood had I just taken that extra step.

One thing I wish he would change is the fact that if he wants sex or any kind of intimacy, he needs to tell me. He has confessed to feeling like it would be using me or “rude” to give me a booty call. I told him it would be a compliment at this point, because I tend to spend all week convincing myself that hes not physically attracted to me.

I need to learn to communicate my true feelings to him. I am just so afraid of scaring him away from me, or pushing him away by trying to pull closer.

My Views on Sex Over Time

**I have been trying to keep up the habit of writing and posting every day. I ran out of things to review and my sex life has been a bit lacking, so I googled “sex blog writing prompts.” I came across a set of 10 questions and prompts that pertain to sex.**

4. How has your views of sex changed over time?

I used to be afraid of sex. I was uneducated about it, and all I knew was that sex lead to pregnancy and STD’s. I knew that it was for making babies, though I did not know it was for pleasure as well. I went from being afraid and grossed out by sex, to wanting it to be special. Something that I had on my wedding night.

I was technically raped the first time I had sex. I did not say yes. I told him as he entered me that that was not what we agreed on. All I got was “my bad” as he continued for 30 seconds before he came. I quit caring about sex being special after that. I am so glad that it didn’t scare me away from sex even more. Instead, it made me fear sex less, and explore my sexuality even more.

After what seemed like forever of having only “friends with benefits,” I finally experienced sex with a boyfriend. I fell in love with the idea of “special” sex all over again. I realized how much friends with benefits was just not for me. I loved the intimacy of being with a boyfriend, rather than just a friend.

After the boyfriend and I broke up, I turned back to friend with benefits. I felt like I would rather have no strings attached sex instead of no sex at all. My list nearly tripled since that first serious relationship that I had sex in. After looking at my list, I see that I have a 3:1 ratio; the 3 being casual sex, 1 being non-casual.

I went from being terrified of sex, mostly due to lack of education, to being in love with sex. I love the intimacy, the closeness, and the thrill. I have come a long way since the day I lost my “virginity.”

Sex and Growing Up

**I have been trying to keep up the habit of writing and posting every day. I ran out of things to review and my sex life has been a bit lacking, so I googled “sex blog writing prompts.” I came across a set of 10 questions and prompts that pertain to sex.**

3. What were you taught about sex as you grew up? What did you not know that you needed to know?

I grew up extremely sheltered. I was made to believe that words like sex and condoms were bad words. I wasn’t explained what they were, just that they were inappropriate to talk about. I got the gist of my sex education from middle school health class. Luckily we got safe sex education, rather than abstinence only education.

I remember not getting the “sex talk” from my mother until I was almost in high school. We were driving home and a commercial for Viagra came on the radio. She acted offended, and surprisingly explained everything there in the car when I asked her what it meant. It wasn’t a very detailed talk, just that the male penis got hard, was inserted into the vagina, sperm came out, and fertilized an egg.

One time in high school I asked my mother what an orgasm was. Her response was a little horrifying. She said it was when a man shot his sperm. I find that answer very sad and uneducated. A few months ago I asked her why she gave that as her answer, and she admitted to only having one or two in her life.

I didn’t know what a clitoris was or where until I was almost 18. It was when my sister came home drunk and drew me a diagram when I asked. What prompted it was when she asked how I liked the toy her and my mom’s friend got me for prom. I had admitted that it was kind of ok, I just didn’t know what to do with it. She explained where I needed to focus my vibrations, but I was clueless. So, she drew me a map on a napkin. The next night I took her advice and had my first orgasm.

I wish my parents had been more open and honest about sex. I appreciate that I got safe sex education, but I wish they had been a little bit less shaming about it. I wish they didn’t make it seem scary, or that it was a bad thing. They could have taught me, rather than make me terrified of it. I wish I knew more so that at school I wasn’t the only kid on the playground that didn’t know where babies. came from.

My Last Sexual Experience

**I have been trying to keep up the habit of writing and posting every day. I ran out of things to review and my sex life has been a bit lacking, so I googled “sex blog writing prompts.” I came across a set of 10 questions and prompts that pertain to sex.**

2. Write about your last sexual experience. How was it different from your first sexual experience?

My last sexual experience was over two months ago. Andy came over and I cooked us dinner while we watched B-rated horror movies on Netflix. I wrote about it in stronger detail in the above link. We have been going through a bit of a dry spell at the moment. He has been busy with school, so he hasn’t been too focused on sex.

Anyways, to answer the question, there are a lot of differences between my first and last experiences. Back then I had no idea what I was doing. Now, I know exactly what I am doing and love to prolong my technique. I definitely have more experience and knowledge about sex and masturbation. I don’t feel as guilty after sexy encounters.

Both first and last encounters are different because of the partner. The partner I am currently with took things a lot slower than the first. The first shared many firsts with me, where my last and I don’t have very many firsts together, if any. In a way my first encounter was more special, but my last was way hotter. Both memories are fuzzy though, one was just because it was over 10 years ago, the other because I had consumed a lot of alcohol beforehand.

My First Sexual Experience

**I have been trying to keep up the habit of writing and posting every day. I ran out of things to review and my sex life has been a bit lacking, so I googled “sex blog writing prompts.” I came across a set of 10 questions and prompts that pertain to sex.**

1. Write about your first sexual experiences. Interpret sexual experience any way like, even it’s about you first kiss.

I only really briefly mentioned my first true sexual experience. I have written about my first high school make out sessions where the guy hinted about the boner he popped, but due to my lack of sexual knowledge, I got very uncomfortable. I will do my best in relaying the full details, but they are pretty fuzzy.

The first time that I remember getting sexual with a partner was my first year in college. I met a guy in my human sexuality class that I really hit it off with. We began hanging out and chatting every night on Yahoo Messenger, and even playing an online game together.

We took turns riding the bus to each other’s homes. One day we walked from the bus stop to my place in the pouring rain. We were drenched by the time we got inside. To dry off a little quicker, we removed some clothing to hang up in my room to dry.

I believe we got down to our underwear. I know for a fact that we started cuddling and making out. His boner became very obvious. I asked if I could see it, since we were in the human anatomy section of our class. He pulled down his tighty whities and let his cock free. I looked at it and gently started to touch it. I started naming the parts in my head (the corona, the frenulum, the shaft, etc).

He asked me if I wanted to kiss it. I said yes as I leaned my head down and kissed the very tip. He asked me to kiss a little more, and I slowly began to kiss up and down his shaft and head. I got curious, and a kiss on the head turned into me taking the tip into my mouth. I experimented with a little suck before slowly taking in more of his cock.

I knew I was doing a good job when I heard the moans and gasps of pleasure escape his mouth. I started to think about everything I had ever read about performing fellatio and began doing everything I had ever imagined. He was fully consumed by the pleasure I was giving him. I made myself quicken up, since I knew I had to go soon. I had a ride picking me up to help with a small job.

Luckily he didn’t take long to come, and I swallowed because I didn’t know what else to do. We finished dressed right as my ride texted that they were outside.

Afterwards, I felt many things. I was very turned on, that was obvious, but I was also feeling guilty. I grew up sheltered, and thinking sex and nudity were wrong. I kept feeling like something bad was going to happen to him after he left. It was still very stormy when we had to leave. My guilt and anxiety went down a lot once he texted that he was home.

Punny

The other night while playing video games with the boyfriend I was having some difficulty fighting a “bad guy.” He commented that my attacks would work better if I hit from behind. I made a comment about the “bad guy” taking it up the ass.

From there the conversation turned to anal and I mentioned that my experience with it was….terrible. I then started laughing like a maniac because the word I almost used was “shitty.” I then told him what I was about to say.

We both had a good laugh at my terrible pun.

Thirst

We might have had a little bit too much wine, and I had to work the next morning. I didn’t care, and figured I could catch up on sleep the next night. All I wanted was to enjoy a night in with Andy. 

I cooked him dinner and we watched B-rated horror movies on netflix. The movies were terrible, but we had a blast adding our own commentary to the films. 

The first bottle of wine was drained fast. He convinced me to open the other. We drank that even faster. At one point my hand began resting on the crotch of his pants. I began to rub, feeling his hardness grow immediately. He inquired about my roommate being home, and I quickly shrugged it off. I could behave if she came out of her room, though I was pretty certain she would make herself scarce.

Eventually my hand worked itself into his shorts and I got a nice grip on his shaft. I twirled my index finger around the head, lingering on the frenulum where I did small, light circles. 

With his right arm around my shoulders and his left hand gently stroking my face and hand, I somehow manuevered my mouth onto his thumb. I began treating it like I would his cock; swirling, sucking, and massaging it with my tongue. His moans were steadily getting louder. 

Unable to take the teasing, he removed his thumb from my mouth and reached down to unzip. His cock was finally free, so I lowered my head and started by kissing his head. Slowly I lowered my mouth, covering the whole head. Swirling my tongue and sucking, I began to bob my head up and down. I had a terrible angle, so I was only able to attend to his head. 

I don’t remember much (or most) of the movie, but I do remember telling him at one point that the movie needed to end so we could go to my room. I don’t remember if we finished the movie, but eventually we landed in my room. 

After shutting the door, I flipped back the top blanket and walked around to the side that gives me the best cock sucking angle. By the time I got to my side, he was on my bed naked and waiting. 

To be continued…

Preparation

I came to the realization the other day that everyone I have ever dated has prepared me for Andy. So far Andy is my favorite boyfriend That I have ever had, the best one I ever dated, etc.

The biggest example I can think of is J. Andy and J are similar in the fact that they both have major ups and downs. The only difference is that Andy hasn’t done anything to disappoint me (knock on wood). J was infamous for flaking on all the time, however, Andy has only had to cancel once, and that was due to homework. School comes first, I get it. Totally excusable. J just flaked because he could, didn’t care how I felt, etc.They both have severe mood swings, and I saw the worst of J. In the end I realized he was controlling in his passive aggressiveness. I have yet to see the darker side of Andy, granted, but I know it is there and feel prepared in how to deal thanks to my experience with J.,

Another example would be Will. If I hadn’t had the experience of slow moving Will, I would have given up on Andy way too soon. Yes, there were many mixed signals, but mostly good ones that kept me encouraged to keep pursuing Andy.

As far as Lee goes, Andy graduates next semester. Lee left easily, without looking back. I know that a lot can happen in 5 or 6 months, but in that time Andy will be graduating. I have been having to think about whether I could drop everything and move (if that’s what his future prospects require him to do, or if I could handle long distance, or if we even need to break things off.

As far as H goes, he broke down my most recent wall. I was made vulnerable again, allowing myself to open up to Andy enough to let him in and in the end take the next step of boyfriend and girlfriend.

There were many others in between, but those are the ones with the most significant impact on me, allowing me to be ready for everything that Andy has to offer, plus so much more.The good, the bad, and the ugly.