It’s Complicated

I never really understood the point in saying a relationship was complicated. I used to figure it either was a thing or it wasn’t; the feeling are or they aren’t. At least until I didn’t understand up until now.

Now I know it really can be complicated. It is not as easy as black and white. I am feeling like my relationship is drifting into complicated territory and I finally understand. I go from being really happy when I am with him, especially when we kiss, cuddle, and hold hands. However, when we are apart, I can’t help but feel slightly unhappy.

The unhappiness comes mostly from my lack of self confidence, but it also has to do with the lack of sexuality in our relationship. I have a very high sex drive and I am finding out that he does not. I used to think that his workload and stress was a huge factor, but now I can’t help but feel like it has to do with me. It wouldn’t be the first time.

I also can’t help but feel the inevitable approach. He will be graduating and potentially moving out of the area unless he miraculously gets a job in the area, Even then he might not stick around.

I fell in love with him, but I couldn’t get him to fall for me. Soon we are either going to have to step up our relationship prematurely or end it before it truly gets a chance to bloom. We have been talking for 7 months, and officially a couple for about 4. It feels too soon to have the talk about moving in with each other, but if he can’t get a job and does want to stay, one of us will have to move in. I have thought about it long and hard and am willing to support him financially if it comes down to it. I would love it if he stayed.

I don’t feel ready to move with him, if that is what he wants. I would be willing to go long distance, but if it ends before we get anywhere I feel like I might start resenting him. I would feel like I wasted a bunch of time twiddling my thumbs waiting for something to happen when it never does.

I have been trying really hard to think positively, but it is getting harder as what feels like the end comes near. Each day that passes my feelings get a little bit more complicated,

Its the Little Things

School is wrapping up for him, so we haven’t been able to hang out as much. We manage to text every day, some more than others. We went a week and a half before we could see each other. 

The plan was for him to come over and us to play video games after I cooked us dinner. However, a combination of my idiot roommate and his need to finish more homework put a wrench in those plans. 

I called him on my way home after work and we decided that I should go to his place. I offered to pick something up for food, but he said he could cook dinner instead. I stopped off at home to change before heading over. 

When I finally got to his place I was greeted with a big hug and kiss. Dinner was just finishing cooking so he served it up for us. We watched Mama Mia! as we ate. It was my first time seeing it and I enjoyed it. 

After we finished eating we cuddled and held hands for the rest of the movie. Sadly he had more homework to work on so I had to leave after the movie. We hugged and kissed at the door saying goodbye. 

I hated leaving and wanted more time, but I was glad to have gotten tge time that I did. Dinner was delicious, the movie was good, and the company was the best. Its the little things that count and make it special. 

Real Fiction

**I have been trying to keep up the habit of writing and posting every day. I ran out of things to review and my sex life has been a bit lacking, so I googled “sex blog writing prompts.” I came across a set of 10 questions and prompts that pertain to sex.**

6. Turn a sexual experience into a piece of short fiction. Describe the setting. Use dialogue. Write erotic descriptions.

Chatting with a sexy friend, I admit to being horny. I told him my toys were charged and ready for me to come to bed. He reciprocates the feeling of being horny, and said he wished he could hear me play with myself. We talked about it and decided on an app that allowed for voice calls.

I quickly shut off the computer and hop in the shower before getting in bed. I message him that I am ready once I have my Womanizer and Mimi next to me. He starts the call and I realize I forgot one thing; headphones so that I can talk hands free. I quickly grab them from the other side of the room and get back in bed. Once I get the headphones positioned, I place the Womanizer on my clit and turn it on.

“Mmm, this feels really good,” I say out loud.

“Mmm, I am glad,” I hear him say. He starts moaning as well and I hear him play with his cock.

“Ooo, are you playing with your cock for me?” I ask, smiling.

“Yes. I am guessing you are naked right now?” he says.

“Oh, of course I am.”

“Good,” he says.

We listen to each other masturbate for a bit. I tell him it feels so good, and I shouldn’t be long. Of course in saying that, I made myself take even longer. We made some small talk, and I talked while switching between Mimi and the Womanizer when my wrist started cramping up. I told him it was one of my kinks to hold a conversation on the phone while masturbating.

After switching toys again I told him that on the bright side, my orgasm would be stronger since its taking longer than I had thought. He told me to take my time. Him saying that put me at ease and got me closer. We listened to each other’s moans and heavy breathing while we masturbated together.

“I am getting pretty close,” he told me eventually.

“Ooo, me too,” I said. “I am close. Oooh I’m coming, I’m coming,” I said as I started to orgasm. Him saying that he was close was what I needed to push me past the point of no return. As I came, my moans and breathing getting heavier, I listened to his moans as he reached his climax with me.

Once we were both done I giggled a bit. I explained that when I have a big enough orgasm I tend to giggle. It felt that good. I really enjoyed the fact that we were able to come at the same time. That made it so much better. I thanked him for the chat, but we both had work the next morning. We wished each other a good night and a smooth work day and hung up.

I went to sleep smiling to myself. That was just the release I had been needing. Thank you, if you are reading this. 😉

My Last Sexual Experience

**I have been trying to keep up the habit of writing and posting every day. I ran out of things to review and my sex life has been a bit lacking, so I googled “sex blog writing prompts.” I came across a set of 10 questions and prompts that pertain to sex.**

2. Write about your last sexual experience. How was it different from your first sexual experience?

My last sexual experience was over two months ago. Andy came over and I cooked us dinner while we watched B-rated horror movies on Netflix. I wrote about it in stronger detail in the above link. We have been going through a bit of a dry spell at the moment. He has been busy with school, so he hasn’t been too focused on sex.

Anyways, to answer the question, there are a lot of differences between my first and last experiences. Back then I had no idea what I was doing. Now, I know exactly what I am doing and love to prolong my technique. I definitely have more experience and knowledge about sex and masturbation. I don’t feel as guilty after sexy encounters.

Both first and last encounters are different because of the partner. The partner I am currently with took things a lot slower than the first. The first shared many firsts with me, where my last and I don’t have very many firsts together, if any. In a way my first encounter was more special, but my last was way hotter. Both memories are fuzzy though, one was just because it was over 10 years ago, the other because I had consumed a lot of alcohol beforehand.

Punny

The other night while playing video games with the boyfriend I was having some difficulty fighting a “bad guy.” He commented that my attacks would work better if I hit from behind. I made a comment about the “bad guy” taking it up the ass.

From there the conversation turned to anal and I mentioned that my experience with it was….terrible. I then started laughing like a maniac because the word I almost used was “shitty.” I then told him what I was about to say.

We both had a good laugh at my terrible pun.

Thirst

We might have had a little bit too much wine, and I had to work the next morning. I didn’t care, and figured I could catch up on sleep the next night. All I wanted was to enjoy a night in with Andy. 

I cooked him dinner and we watched B-rated horror movies on netflix. The movies were terrible, but we had a blast adding our own commentary to the films. 

The first bottle of wine was drained fast. He convinced me to open the other. We drank that even faster. At one point my hand began resting on the crotch of his pants. I began to rub, feeling his hardness grow immediately. He inquired about my roommate being home, and I quickly shrugged it off. I could behave if she came out of her room, though I was pretty certain she would make herself scarce.

Eventually my hand worked itself into his shorts and I got a nice grip on his shaft. I twirled my index finger around the head, lingering on the frenulum where I did small, light circles. 

With his right arm around my shoulders and his left hand gently stroking my face and hand, I somehow manuevered my mouth onto his thumb. I began treating it like I would his cock; swirling, sucking, and massaging it with my tongue. His moans were steadily getting louder. 

Unable to take the teasing, he removed his thumb from my mouth and reached down to unzip. His cock was finally free, so I lowered my head and started by kissing his head. Slowly I lowered my mouth, covering the whole head. Swirling my tongue and sucking, I began to bob my head up and down. I had a terrible angle, so I was only able to attend to his head. 

I don’t remember much (or most) of the movie, but I do remember telling him at one point that the movie needed to end so we could go to my room. I don’t remember if we finished the movie, but eventually we landed in my room. 

After shutting the door, I flipped back the top blanket and walked around to the side that gives me the best cock sucking angle. By the time I got to my side, he was on my bed naked and waiting. 

To be continued…

Preparation

I came to the realization the other day that everyone I have ever dated has prepared me for Andy. So far Andy is my favorite boyfriend That I have ever had, the best one I ever dated, etc.

The biggest example I can think of is J. Andy and J are similar in the fact that they both have major ups and downs. The only difference is that Andy hasn’t done anything to disappoint me (knock on wood). J was infamous for flaking on all the time, however, Andy has only had to cancel once, and that was due to homework. School comes first, I get it. Totally excusable. J just flaked because he could, didn’t care how I felt, etc.They both have severe mood swings, and I saw the worst of J. In the end I realized he was controlling in his passive aggressiveness. I have yet to see the darker side of Andy, granted, but I know it is there and feel prepared in how to deal thanks to my experience with J.,

Another example would be Will. If I hadn’t had the experience of slow moving Will, I would have given up on Andy way too soon. Yes, there were many mixed signals, but mostly good ones that kept me encouraged to keep pursuing Andy.

As far as Lee goes, Andy graduates next semester. Lee left easily, without looking back. I know that a lot can happen in 5 or 6 months, but in that time Andy will be graduating. I have been having to think about whether I could drop everything and move (if that’s what his future prospects require him to do, or if I could handle long distance, or if we even need to break things off.

As far as H goes, he broke down my most recent wall. I was made vulnerable again, allowing myself to open up to Andy enough to let him in and in the end take the next step of boyfriend and girlfriend.

There were many others in between, but those are the ones with the most significant impact on me, allowing me to be ready for everything that Andy has to offer, plus so much more.The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Sneaky Fondle

It was getting late and I was ready to go back to his place. We were at my coworker’s place, where we had just wrapped up the board game we were playing. My coworker went to bed, leaving her husband to chat and visit with Andy and I. 

I snuggled next to Andy on the couch and he wrapped his left arm around me while holding my right hand with his, my arm stretched out across his lap. 

Coworker’s husband (we’ll call him CH) was setting up his new console while chatting with Andy, not paying too much attention to us. 

I began to run my hand up and down his thigh (not too far so as to be inappropriate, but enough to hint that I wanted to touch him). Still holding my hand, he surprised me by sliding it under his shorts, resting just shy of his cock. He released my hand and pulled his shorts down to cover my hand. 

They talked while I explored. I had a bad angle, so I wasn’t able to weild his dick in my hand. I was however, able to run my finger along the tip and up and down the shaft. 

I was feeling naughty and ready to play. To be honest, I had been ready all afternoon, but had behaved myself until now. He started to get hard and finally asked the magic question of if I was ready to go. 

CH was busy with his new game and hadn’t even noticed what I was up to. I slid my hand out of his shorts and stood up. Andy stood up after giving himself a slight adjustment. We gathered our things as we said goodbye and walked back to my car.

On the way back to Andy’s I gethered my courage and asked if he was up for a little fun before I had to get home. You know his answer was yes.