Masturbation Woes

My masturbation count has sky rocketed. A combination of a returned sex drive after a long bout of depression finally lifted and having new toys to play with thanks to product reviews, I have had a lot to come to. With May being Masturbation Month, I have been particularly inspired to try for an orgasm (or more) a day. The more I masturbate, the more I find my mood lifting, making me want to masturbate more, craving orgasms.

Each toy gives me a different type of orgasm. Yes, they are all clitoral, but they have different depths to them. Mimi gives me long orgasms that sometimes leave a little bit to be desired (perhaps a cock inside)? The Womanizer gives me hard and deep orgasms, getting stronger the longer I let them go on. The Touch takes a little longer, but the strong and steady orgasm makes it worth the wait. Every day I think about the orgasm I plan to have. I wonder what kind of orgasm  would feel best for that moment.

So far the post doesn’t sound very woeful, I know. Don’t worry, I am getting there. The stories I have  are quite funny now, but they weren’t in the moment. In the moment they were quite depressing; woeful in many ways.

The other night I was craving Mimi. She was feeling pretty good, and I thought she had a decent charge since her vibrations were still pretty strong. I finally found a porn that was getting me pretty excited, build up for a big orgasm. I crossed the point of no return and let myself come. Right when I let go and the orgasm took over Mimi stopped cold. My orgasm sputtered out like a dying engine in a car. I laid there in silence for a second, taking in what just happened. Mimi died from a low battery, as toys usually do.

This wasn’t my first dead battery, but it was my first dead battery mid orgasm. It felt pretty awful in all honesty, both physically and mentally. Mentally I was revved up and ready to go, physically because it actually hurt. All that build up in my cunt and no release. It was peeing only a little bit and having to hold the rest.

After I gathered myself I reached for the Womanizer. I was gonna have this orgasm, I had to. I got to work and it was feeling good, even on my still sensitive clit. I felt myself about to squirt so I turned it off to make myself hold back. I wasn’t in the mood to sleep in a wet spot. Once my body was calmed down I turned the Womanizer back on. I was feeling good, feeling really close.

At that moment My cat jumped on my bed and required my immediate attention. I turned off my toy so that I could give him the attention he deserves. He curled up in my arms and fell asleep. I waited for him to wake up and move down to my feet.

I apparently fell asleep too, because I woke up when it was daylight, glasses still on, tablet (for porn) asleep at my side, Womanizer on the sheets between my legs and the cat at my feet. I had a sense of de ja vu and then realized that is exactly how I woke up the week before. So two weeks in a row I fell asleep masturbating. At least I managed to turn the toy off both times, unlike my college days where I burned out many cheap bullets that way.


The other night while playing video games with the boyfriend I was having some difficulty fighting a “bad guy.” He commented that my attacks would work better if I hit from behind. I made a comment about the “bad guy” taking it up the ass.

From there the conversation turned to anal and I mentioned that my experience with it was….terrible. I then started laughing like a maniac because the word I almost used was “shitty.” I then told him what I was about to say.

We both had a good laugh at my terrible pun.

The Worst Orgasm Ever

Last month I was horny and sex wasn’t an option. It probably won’t be for a while. I had full intentions of masturbating and being as loud as I wanted since I had no roommate home for the weekend.

I started off my playtime by talking to an old acquaintance and sort of having phone sex. We talked about how we would pleasure each other. I sent him a few pictures and I got a few from him. Honestly I wasn’t that into it so I let him finish and moved on.

I had a very sexy chat with a Twitter friend. We exchanged a few pictures and the anticipation really had me going. Too soon he had to go to bed, leaving me to concentrate on my orgasm.

I edged for a while. I got really worked up. Just as I was  hitting the point of no return, I swallowed wrong. I began to cough as I was orgasming. I literally started choking. I tried like hell to let my throat settle and have my highly anticipated orgasm.

I began to overheat, making me cough even more. I couldn’t breathe. My orgasm sputtered out like a single flame on a windy night. I continued to cough for another twenty minutes or so, struggling to catch my breath and clear my throat.

I was still horny and unsatisfied after that quarter orgasm. However, I had spent way too long on it, with the vibe on my clit that I was too sore and numb to try for a round two, even after I caught my breath and cleared my throat.

Six Years Ago

Six years ago today I lost my “technical” virginity. I say technical because i had done pretty much everything except have a penis inside my vagina. Before it happened, I wanted it to be with someone special, especially if it could be on my wedding night.

During the 30 seconds of humiliation, I was confused, angry, and curious. I was confused because I wasn’t expecting it. I had told him PIV was against my rules for us playing together. I was angry because all he said was “My bad,” and kept going. I was curious because I had always wondered what it would be like.

Looking back on that day, I have changed a lot. I am a lot more carefree about sex. As much as I hate how he did that against my wishes, I don’t regret it. It opened so many doors and experiences that I would have no clue about if I had stayed a virgin. As much as I hate that it was him, I am also kind of glad it wasn’t someone special. If it was someone special, there would have been attachment.

I did the rape debate. Some days I felt like it was rape, because he knew that wasn’t what I wanted, and even though I didn’t tell him to stop, the meaning was there when I told him “wrong hole.” Other days, I didn’t feel like it could be rape. I didn’t say no. I didn’t try and stop him. I let him do his thing because I was curious.

When it all comes down to it, I am glad it happened. I wasn’t glad at the time, but I try and not live in regrets. It opened my eyes. Nothing bad happened from having sex. It opened so many fun opportunities and fun experiences.

I have changed a lot in six years. I grew, and learned some very important lessons. It also feels like it has been more than six years since my life changed forever.

Life Got in the Way

I was doing so good about having an update every day from the time I came back to blogging in early January til the other day. Now that my streak has broken, I feel less motivated to find something, anything, to write about. I am actually considering changing the days I post from every day to maybe three or four times a week. I was considering Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday, possibly even a day in between. Sunday and Tuesday are meant for meme days, and the other days can be an actual post. If I don’t stay regular I won’t keep writing. 

I texted Ginger Tuesday telling him what days I have off now, but never heard anything back. A couple days later I saw him online and asked if he got my text. He did, and invited me over for this Saturday. I have no idea what we will do. It could lead to dinner, it might not.

So, another reason my regular posting is having a small hiccuping fit is because I started waking up at 4:30 in the morning to go with a friend to the gym at 5. After the gym I go to work and by the time I get home I just have no energy to do anything but crawl in bed and crash. This was the first week, but I am finding myself having a tiny bit more energy than before. Hopefully I will pick back up to posting every day. 

Anyways, I have a few post it dead on n mind, so hopefully I will have the time and right frame of mind to write them. One of them is kind of hard to write, as it stirs up a lot of old memories and feelings. Obviously, I will also write about my visit with Ginger tomorrow. Goodnight. I am off to mastubate.