Meeting the Family

The week before last his graduation finally came up in conversation. I told him I fully intended to go, but I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to go. He said he would like me there. I asked if I would be able to meet his family coming up and all he said was maybe.

Two days before the graduation he made it sound like he didn’t care if I was there, and I probably wouldn’t meet the family. Then he said I could maybe meet his mom, just not the others. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt. For the most part I understood, but my low self confidence made it feel like it was me he didn’t want to introduce to them.

The day before on my way home from work I realized how heartbroken I really was in not being able to be involved in his graduation plans. I got the impression that even if I went to the ceremony I wouldn’t be able to see him at all. I was completely crushed at the idea of not being included on his big day. I admit that I started to get a little jealous of his family. I started to not feel that important to him, and eventually considered to not go at all. I knew if I didn’t go I would feel guilty . I also started crying at the idea of going and not being able to say hi. I felt like he was ashamed of me.

After a nearly sleepless night and sitting through my best friend’s graduation (there were several ceremonies that day) I texted him and asked if he wanted me there. He simply told me I could go. With lots of reservations, I made arrangements to get there. I picked a spot to enable myself to easily describe my location in a huge crown and texted him where I was. I started to cry, still under the assumption that I would not see him. I knew he was somewhere there, along with his family, and here I was alone trying to be supportive.

I had just wiped the last tears from my eyes, considering letting them start up again, when I realized someone was standing in front of me. With thoughts of annoyance at who was cutting in on what little privacy I had while I spilled my overreacting tears, I looked up to see him standing with a lady.

All thoughts of sadness escaped me as we hugged, kissed, and he introduced me to his mom. We shook hands and she asked me the obligatory questions any good mother would ask the chick her son is dating. Sadly it was a short visit since he had to go get ready with his graduating class. As she walked away, she told me how happy I made him.

From then on I felt much better about being there, and five minutes later I got a text thanking me for being there. After what seemed like ages, they finally called his name. About 20 minutes later I get the text I had been waiting forever for, asking if I wanted to join him and his family for dinner. He told me to meet him at his place and we would go from there.

I quickly got home and changed, making sure to put something on a little bit nicer. It was the moment I had been waiting for, and suddenly I was nervous. What if they didn’t like me?

It turned out that I had nothing to worry about. I met his mom, dad, stepmom, grandma, and several family friends. I fit in well. OUr dinner reservations were fairly late in the evening, so we ended up closing the restaurant. Eventually they started to plan breakfast and who was coming. His family was very insistent that I join.

I enjoyed getting to know them, and hope to see them again soon. I was glad that they seemed to like me.

Only Time Will Tell

As I said in several previous posts, the future of my current relationship is a complete waiting game. These least few weeks have been rough as school has kept him too busy for my liking. When we first met, one of the first things I asked him was if he planned to stay or leave after he graduated. He made it seem like he wanted to stay.

However, fairly early on in our relationship he made several comments about moving away. As we got closer to the end of school it has been something hanging over my head. We have started to talk about it several times, but both of us got too sad to really continue the conversation. I started to just assume he would leave right after.

The other night I started to get a different impression. He said he was going to do everything he could to stay, and would do so as long as possible. When discussing the dates he would be gone he mentioned cutting that time in half to stay in town with me.

I really hope he does stick around. I have been trying to stay positive whenever I started to dwell on the what ifs. Things are still in a huge waiting game, but at the moment they are starting to look more in my favor. Only time will Tell.

Masturbation Woes

My masturbation count has sky rocketed. A combination of a returned sex drive after a long bout of depression finally lifted and having new toys to play with thanks to product reviews, I have had a lot to come to. With May being Masturbation Month, I have been particularly inspired to try for an orgasm (or more) a day. The more I masturbate, the more I find my mood lifting, making me want to masturbate more, craving orgasms.

Each toy gives me a different type of orgasm. Yes, they are all clitoral, but they have different depths to them. Mimi gives me long orgasms that sometimes leave a little bit to be desired (perhaps a cock inside)? The Womanizer gives me hard and deep orgasms, getting stronger the longer I let them go on. The Touch takes a little longer, but the strong and steady orgasm makes it worth the wait. Every day I think about the orgasm I plan to have. I wonder what kind of orgasm  would feel best for that moment.

So far the post doesn’t sound very woeful, I know. Don’t worry, I am getting there. The stories I have  are quite funny now, but they weren’t in the moment. In the moment they were quite depressing; woeful in many ways.

The other night I was craving Mimi. She was feeling pretty good, and I thought she had a decent charge since her vibrations were still pretty strong. I finally found a porn that was getting me pretty excited, build up for a big orgasm. I crossed the point of no return and let myself come. Right when I let go and the orgasm took over Mimi stopped cold. My orgasm sputtered out like a dying engine in a car. I laid there in silence for a second, taking in what just happened. Mimi died from a low battery, as toys usually do.

This wasn’t my first dead battery, but it was my first dead battery mid orgasm. It felt pretty awful in all honesty, both physically and mentally. Mentally I was revved up and ready to go, physically because it actually hurt. All that build up in my cunt and no release. It was peeing only a little bit and having to hold the rest.

After I gathered myself I reached for the Womanizer. I was gonna have this orgasm, I had to. I got to work and it was feeling good, even on my still sensitive clit. I felt myself about to squirt so I turned it off to make myself hold back. I wasn’t in the mood to sleep in a wet spot. Once my body was calmed down I turned the Womanizer back on. I was feeling good, feeling really close.

At that moment My cat jumped on my bed and required my immediate attention. I turned off my toy so that I could give him the attention he deserves. He curled up in my arms and fell asleep. I waited for him to wake up and move down to my feet.

I apparently fell asleep too, because I woke up when it was daylight, glasses still on, tablet (for porn) asleep at my side, Womanizer on the sheets between my legs and the cat at my feet. I had a sense of de ja vu and then realized that is exactly how I woke up the week before. So two weeks in a row I fell asleep masturbating. At least I managed to turn the toy off both times, unlike my college days where I burned out many cheap bullets that way.

It’s Complicated

I never really understood the point in saying a relationship was complicated. I used to figure it either was a thing or it wasn’t; the feeling are or they aren’t. At least until I didn’t understand up until now.

Now I know it really can be complicated. It is not as easy as black and white. I am feeling like my relationship is drifting into complicated territory and I finally understand. I go from being really happy when I am with him, especially when we kiss, cuddle, and hold hands. However, when we are apart, I can’t help but feel slightly unhappy.

The unhappiness comes mostly from my lack of self confidence, but it also has to do with the lack of sexuality in our relationship. I have a very high sex drive and I am finding out that he does not. I used to think that his workload and stress was a huge factor, but now I can’t help but feel like it has to do with me. It wouldn’t be the first time.

I also can’t help but feel the inevitable approach. He will be graduating and potentially moving out of the area unless he miraculously gets a job in the area, Even then he might not stick around.

I fell in love with him, but I couldn’t get him to fall for me. Soon we are either going to have to step up our relationship prematurely or end it before it truly gets a chance to bloom. We have been talking for 7 months, and officially a couple for about 4. It feels too soon to have the talk about moving in with each other, but if he can’t get a job and does want to stay, one of us will have to move in. I have thought about it long and hard and am willing to support him financially if it comes down to it. I would love it if he stayed.

I don’t feel ready to move with him, if that is what he wants. I would be willing to go long distance, but if it ends before we get anywhere I feel like I might start resenting him. I would feel like I wasted a bunch of time twiddling my thumbs waiting for something to happen when it never does.

I have been trying really hard to think positively, but it is getting harder as what feels like the end comes near. Each day that passes my feelings get a little bit more complicated,

Its the Little Things

School is wrapping up for him, so we haven’t been able to hang out as much. We manage to text every day, some more than others. We went a week and a half before we could see each other. 

The plan was for him to come over and us to play video games after I cooked us dinner. However, a combination of my idiot roommate and his need to finish more homework put a wrench in those plans. 

I called him on my way home after work and we decided that I should go to his place. I offered to pick something up for food, but he said he could cook dinner instead. I stopped off at home to change before heading over. 

When I finally got to his place I was greeted with a big hug and kiss. Dinner was just finishing cooking so he served it up for us. We watched Mama Mia! as we ate. It was my first time seeing it and I enjoyed it. 

After we finished eating we cuddled and held hands for the rest of the movie. Sadly he had more homework to work on so I had to leave after the movie. We hugged and kissed at the door saying goodbye. 

I hated leaving and wanted more time, but I was glad to have gotten tge time that I did. Dinner was delicious, the movie was good, and the company was the best. Its the little things that count and make it special. 

Sexual Confession

**I have been trying to keep up the habit of writing and posting every day. I ran out of things to review and my sex life has been a bit lacking, so I googled “sex blog writing prompts.” I came across a set of 10 questions and prompts that pertain to sex.**

10. Write a sexual confession to your partner or someone you admire. Be straight forward or as kinky as you would like.

To my sexy boyfriend,

Remember that night last week when you were trying to study and I just kept sending you filthy things in hopes of distracting you? I sent everything from naughty sexts to pics of me in lingerie and sexy panties. Later on I sent some erotica I wrote about me getting to suck that lovely cock of yours.

Well, you never asked what got me so worked up, but I want to tell you anyways. It started with a picture meme that I saw on Facebook. It said “Relationship Goals” and showed a cartoon image of a female sitting on the toilet and her man standing in front or her aiming his stream into the open seat between his legs.

A few weeks ago I made a joke about peeing being one of my fetishes. I played it off as a joke because I didn’t know how you would react. You seemed to go along with the joke, but this is where I tell you I wasn’t joking. I really do enjoy watching men pee. It is still very embarrassing to admit, but I want to open up and be honest. Who knows, maybe it is your thing too. If it is not, that is ok. I understand and don’t blame you one bit.

So yeah, just seeing that picture got me worked up. I started fantasizing about us being in that situation, then I started thinking about the time I hopped in the shower and you had to pee before getting in. I tried not to be a creeper about it, but I got so turned on sneaking a peak while you took a leak.

So yeah, now you now. I hope this doesn’t scare you off.

Sexual Changes

**I have been trying to keep up the habit of writing and posting every day. I ran out of things to review and my sex life has been a bit lacking, so I googled “sex blog writing prompts.” I came across a set of 10 questions and prompts that pertain to sex.**

9. What changes if any would you like to make about your sexual self? What sexual changes would you like to see your partner make?

If I was going to be blunt about my answer, I would say that I wish I was getting sex more frequently. However, that seems harsh. While yes, I do feel that sex is lacking in my current relationship, but I also know that he has a lot going on. I like this guy more than anyone else I ever dated, and he treats me better than anyone I have ever called my boyfriend.

For the most part I like that our relationship isn’t solely based around sex, and that he truely likes me for me. However, I do wish we had more sex. I have been craving that intimacy lately. That is one reason why my masturbation habits have went from once a week or every other week to once a day or every other day.

So, to answer the question, I want to change how I see myself. I want to grow confidence. I want to feel bold enough to make the first move instead of being so afraid of rejection that I don’t try at all. A lot of times I found out after the fact that he was in the mood or could have easily gotten in the mood had I just taken that extra step.

One thing I wish he would change is the fact that if he wants sex or any kind of intimacy, he needs to tell me. He has confessed to feeling like it would be using me or “rude” to give me a booty call. I told him it would be a compliment at this point, because I tend to spend all week convincing myself that hes not physically attracted to me.

I need to learn to communicate my true feelings to him. I am just so afraid of scaring him away from me, or pushing him away by trying to pull closer.

The Best Sex Partner

**I have been trying to keep up the habit of writing and posting every day. I ran out of things to review and my sex life has been a bit lacking, so I googled “sex blog writing prompts.” I came across a set of 10 questions and prompts that pertain to sex.**

8. Write about the best sex partner you have ever been with. Describe a special time together.

I have thought about this one for quite some time. I really wish I could pick more than one because *most* of my partners have been special or my favorite in some different way or another. After much back and forth in my head, I think I am going to have to go with D as my best sex partner.

First of all, I have had sex with D more than any of my other partners put together. I also got to explore the most with D when we were friends with benefits. I always wanted more with D, relationship wise, but I am still happy with what I got. The fact that D read my blog at the time we were seeing each other helped a lot, as he learned what I wanted and always aimed to please.

When it came to sex, I was able to explore the most with D. He had my first (and only) MMF threesome with me, he was the first to ever let me aim his dick while he peed, he was the first one I ever let inside of me without a condom, the only one I have ever had outdoor sex with, and the only partner I felt the most comfortable with telling anything to. We have had sex in other fun places (like his ex’s bed), unlike everyone else that has just been in a bedroom. I do wish we had gotten a chance to do it at his work like we had always fantasized about.

Every time I got with D it was special, but the most memorable and special time was the time that he gave me birthday sex. He made it feel like a scene from one of my favorite movies. I have a feeling that if we had kept seeing each other,I would have had a lot more firsts with him. We still talk to this day and I appreciate his friendship greatly. I have a feeling that if situations allowed, we would definitely have sex again. Right now its not in the cards, but maybe someday. If not, I still have a really good friend. Thank you D, for everything. 😀

Sexual Fantasies

**I have been trying to keep up the habit of writing and posting every day. I ran out of things to review and my sex life has been a bit lacking, so I googled “sex blog writing prompts.” I came across a set of 10 questions and prompts that pertain to sex.**

5. Describe a sexual fantasy you have.

This one was harder to answer than I thought. I obviously have a lot of dirty fantasies, but the one that appeals to me the most is just sexy fun time in general. I haven’t had much of that lately. Any that I get is a huge treat and welcome surprise. To go along with the theme, I will describe a scene I wish and hope for every time I get some snuggle time with the boyfriend.

We are snuggling on his bed. I am trying to keep my wandering hands in check as I lean in for more kisses. I let my next kiss linger on, then finally getting a hold of his bottom lip between mine. I give a light suck and run my tongue along  his lip before giving the lightest of nibbles.

I feel him smile and his lower lip becomes free of mine. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer before taking my hand and resting it on his growing bulge.

“You see what you did?” he asks playfully.

“Sorry, not sorry,” I say with a mischievous grin. “I feel it, but I don’t see it,” I say, egging him on a bit more.

“Oh, you asked for it now,” he said, grinning. He let go of my hand he had placed on his pressing need and reached to undo his belt and shorts. I grinned and watched, my pussy clenching and tightening in anticipation of getting to play. I licked my lips as I watched his hard cock spring free of his boxers when pulled down.

I scooted myself down on his bed and got positioned at his hip. I put a pillow under my elbow and wrapped my hand around the lower half of his shaft. I slowly circled my tongue around the tip of his head. Once I get the head wet with my swirling tongue, I take it into my mouth. I begin massaging his head with my tongue while beginning to suck.

I start to slowly move my mouth up and down his cock, taking more of him each time I slide down. Once I get a good rhythm I pick up my pace, making sure to keep my tongue swirling with massage as I go. I let a low hum build in my throat and he starts to moan in ecstasy.

I take that as a sign that I am doing a good job and take my free hand to cup his balls. I gently massage them as I keep up the magic of my mouth. I am a terrible multitasker, but I manage to keep a somewhat steady rhythm and I work his cock with my mouth and his balls with my hand.

When I notice him start to seem close I change it up a bit and switch my mouth and hand. I begin sucking on his balls while I trace my index finger around his head before beginning pumping motions with my wrist and his cock. Each time I feel him start to get close I switch between mouth and hand, cock and balls.

I could do this all night, but I want to see him some for me. One last time I put my mouth over his cock, my hand cups his balls, and I get back into rhythm. This time when I feel him get close I let his climax build enough to let his hot load shoot into my mouth. As he comes, I slow down with the tongue massages, knowing hes sensitive there. I feel him pump his load down my throat and I swallow every last drop. Once his orgasm is over I slide back up to cuddle him before he kisses me goodnight.

 

My Views on Sex Over Time

**I have been trying to keep up the habit of writing and posting every day. I ran out of things to review and my sex life has been a bit lacking, so I googled “sex blog writing prompts.” I came across a set of 10 questions and prompts that pertain to sex.**

4. How has your views of sex changed over time?

I used to be afraid of sex. I was uneducated about it, and all I knew was that sex lead to pregnancy and STD’s. I knew that it was for making babies, though I did not know it was for pleasure as well. I went from being afraid and grossed out by sex, to wanting it to be special. Something that I had on my wedding night.

I was technically raped the first time I had sex. I did not say yes. I told him as he entered me that that was not what we agreed on. All I got was “my bad” as he continued for 30 seconds before he came. I quit caring about sex being special after that. I am so glad that it didn’t scare me away from sex even more. Instead, it made me fear sex less, and explore my sexuality even more.

After what seemed like forever of having only “friends with benefits,” I finally experienced sex with a boyfriend. I fell in love with the idea of “special” sex all over again. I realized how much friends with benefits was just not for me. I loved the intimacy of being with a boyfriend, rather than just a friend.

After the boyfriend and I broke up, I turned back to friend with benefits. I felt like I would rather have no strings attached sex instead of no sex at all. My list nearly tripled since that first serious relationship that I had sex in. After looking at my list, I see that I have a 3:1 ratio; the 3 being casual sex, 1 being non-casual.

I went from being terrified of sex, mostly due to lack of education, to being in love with sex. I love the intimacy, the closeness, and the thrill. I have come a long way since the day I lost my “virginity.”