Ramblings

Just a quick post, mostly to put the basis of my thoughts down for when I have time to write something more detailed and profound. Also to keep up with my steady posting streak.

I couldn’t sleep the other night. I got maybe 3 hours. I tossed and turned, staring at the clock, feeling more and more angry as time slipped by that I was still awake. My mind just wouldn’t stop. It was also probably due to the fact that it was my first night off the NyQuil in a week because I remembered it to late.

I thought about what I could be writing, which unfortunately those thoughts are long slipped away. I mostly started feeling lonely though. I was wishing at that moment that I had someone to share my day with, someone to lean on while being sick.

I think these thoughts mostly came was because the last time I laid awake all night it was with a guy I was dating. We stayed up all night talking because he couldn’t sleep in my bed.

I saw D on Sunday. We chatted after he brought over a mix cd he made for me. It was nice to see him and chat. He didn’t stay long because I was sick, and obviously we didn’t have sex. I still have mixed feelings on that. He hasn’t heard from her and doesn’t expect to. When I was at the doctors last week for a breathing treatment I had them do an STD testing panel. Everything looked clean they said. I knew it was, but it was nice to get that reassurance.

I am thinking of making a day trip this weekend and meeting that guy I mentioned a few weeks ago. I would like to get out of town and I need a new swimsuit and can’t find any in my size here. I also might look for some jeans, as i only have sweats and work pants that fit, and work pants are too expensive to wear outside of work. We shall see what the weather and finances say.

Hopefully I will have something less random tomorrow night.

Ugh, Almost a Year Since my Last Post…

Wow, it’s been too damn long. I hate that it’s been almost a year since I have written, since so much has happened. Good things and bad things. Funny things and sad things. Amazing things and fucked up things. Hopefully I can catch you all up to speed. I plan on this short recap in this post, then the ones that deserve more detail, I will do my best to recollect the most accurate memory and put it on here.

1. Had an off and on thing with J again
2. Was in a car accident that broke my neck
3. Was in a relationship and a half
4. Had another threesome with D and his roommate
5. Had the most amazing sex with J in an amazing place
6. Had my first sleepover with D

I am sure there is more, but right now I am drawing a blank. I will update as I remember.

Exploration

“I gotta pee, babe. Is there anything else you want me to do with it? I am about to explode,”

“Umm, if we were in the shower I would love to feel your hot stream covering my body. Cover my tits, my stomach, my legs. I can even turn around and you could get my back and ass,” I shyly replied. I had never had anyone want to dirty talk with me about pee play, but I was loving it.

“Oh, baby that felt so good, so relieving,” he said later after sending me a video.

He told me it was a huge turn on to think about me holding/aiming his cock for him while he peed. I was so scared the first time that told him I wanted to do that. I was embarrassed to admit how much I loved watching a guy pee. I was so glad I told him. Gradually I have been going into more detail about what turns me on about it, and what drives me wild enough to squirt.

I don’t know if he is as into it as I am, or if he’s just acting turned on to get me to open up, but he’s been sending me lots of pictures and videos of his cock, some even of him taking a leak. It’s so fucking hot. I have no problem sending him the stuff he wants to see just so that in return I get what I want.

We met online. He lives half a state away unfortunately. For now it’s just dirty talk and texting. We have really opened up to each other about our turn ons. Him getting “excited” over the things I want to try and do get me so hot and wet. He’s really helped me explore my pee turn on a lot. Some stuff I have went into detail about I have never told anyone, let alone barely accepted myself.

He claims that he’s never told anyone the things he’s told me. The things that he’s into don’t really do it for me, but they also don’t turn me off. Just hearing and seeing his reaction to what I do for him makes it a lot less weird and so much more worth it.

I am so excited to explore my interests about what turns me on. Just talking with him about it makes it easier and easier to admit what I want. I can’t wait to explore for real someday.

It’s been a while….

So, it has been a long ass time since I updated. I guess the biggest excuse is that I just didn’t have anything to write about. I gave up dating for a bit after the J incident. I went a year, one month, and eighteen days with no sex or play of any kind.

D messaged me one day out of the blue and helped me break my dry spell. We have hooked up about once a month since, and even had a threesome with his roommate again. I will try and write details later, but to be honest, writing is kind of hard now. I just don’t feel like it flows anymore. I will try though. I do miss writing.

I will definitely try to do better this next year.

Things I would like to do for this blog in the next year:

-Updates!

-Makeover the blog a bit

-Edit the pages, update them and make them prettier

Dry Spell

Today marks 6 long months of no sex. The last time I did anything with anyone was my super hot birthday sex with D. After a while I just stopped feeling sexy, making me not feeling very motivated to write. Hence the silence on here.

I still read blogs, I still check and post on twitter. I just don’t have anything to write about.

Last month however kind of opened the sexy door back up. I began texting with a friend, and it quickly turned dirty. We talked about a possible threesome with his wife and I took some naughty pics for them. Unfortunately that is all it got to. They got busy and we kinda lost touch again.

This dry spell really sucks. I have forgotten what sex feels like. I miss playing with a nice hard cock, whether in my mouth, hands, or pussy. I go through waves of horniness. One day I feel fine and don’t care either way, the next I feel like jumping anything with a dick.

Tonight is definitely a jump anyone night. Here’s to hoping that changes soon. Honestly though, I kind of hope that (if it happens soon) that it is with a boyfriend. I have a couple of dates lined up, so who knows what will happen. If its not with a boyfriend, I am sure it will make a nice story on the blog.

Here’s to (unfortunately) sporadic posts for now.

Catch Up

So I haven’t posted in over a month, and October saw only 2 posts. That makes me said. The truth is though, I just had no motivation to write.

A week after my last post I had my super enlarged tonsils removed. The doctor said they were almost as big as golf balls. Click the links to see them (before) and (after) removal. I was off work for two weeks, and in that time I spent it either sleeping, playing WoW, eating ice cream, watching netflix, or a combination of sorts. Thank you to those that checked up on me via twitter.

The day I had them out I was released. Salien was awesome and came to stay with me (as I was not supposed to be alone and roommate wasn’t home). We spent the night cuddling and sleeping. It was very comforting. The rest of my time off I had my roommate’s mom’s dog to keep me company.

A week after going back to work I got a really bad pain in my right side. While at work I started feeling nauseous. I started worrying about my appendix, thinking it would just be ironic if I heal from getting my tonsils out and then have to turn around and get my appendix out. Luckily I did not get sick nor did I have a fever. However, the pain lasted two days (and counting), but the second day I got my period. I haven’t had one in over a year because of the birth control I was on (and went off recently because of the lack of sex in my life).

Once I realized what was going on I started getting somewhat normal cramps. Unfortunately this all got figured out right before work. My fast solution to cramps? Masturbate to orgasm. I did just that, making myself late for work by 20 minutes. However, it was so worth it because the cramps did not come back til right before I went home that night. Sadly, that was orgasm 100! I promis to make a video once auntie flow leaves the building. 😉

Anywho, I really wanted to do the TMI Tuesdays while I was out, but I just could not find the energy. So, I really hope its ok if I just put them all into one post, my next post.

Desperate

So, as I mentioned on a tweet or two, I got switched from graveyard shift to swing shift. Swing shift happens to be the same shift as Toby. If you are a new reader, Toby is the guy that took my virginity (when I was not ready) and put me on a huge emotional roller coaster before and after the incident.

I have been feeling a little sexually desperate lately. So desperate that I have considered contacting Toby about attempting to relieve some of that sexual tension. However, I always refrained because I just didn’t feel that desperate. My first night on his shift, after work, he contacted me.

We chatted on Facebook a bit, and the asshat started toying with me. I hate it when he toys with me, especially when I want to take control. We kind of made plans to hang out the next time my room mate isn’t home. In some ways I look forward to it, others not so much.

He is extremely fake, at least in my opinion. Several years ago, before everything happened with him, I had a crush on him. I didn’t know him that well. When I did finally “get to know him,” I didn’t like him much. He is pushy, but everyone at work thinks hes the coolest guy ever. I know better. He would text me, asking to hang out. I would say no several times, and he kept trying to bribe me/guilt trip me/anything to get in my pants (or mouth).

One thing that irritates the hell out of me,something that he does (as well as a couple others I know) is go off about how lonely he is, waiting for the right woman, hating being single, etc. Yet at the same time has some kind of excuse on why we can’t be together as a couple. I think its bullshit. If you aren’t interested in me as a girlfriend, stop beating around the bush and just tell me that you aren’t interested in that way!

After Will and I broke up, I added him to my Facebook friends. On his Facebook, he is always whining about not finding the right girl, being judged poorly, being lonely, etc. It is actually quite sickening. However, even last night when he toyed with me as much as before, I have decided to give him another chance. The plan is to watch a  movie, cuddle, kiss, probably sex.

While talking online, he started to hint on what he would do with me. I asked for details. He wanted pics. He decided to trade pics for details. I gave in, out of pure boredom. So, rather than letting him be the only one to see these, I will share them with my lovely readers. I would love your feedback!



Trying Not to Fall

So, I met a new guy. I saw him on Match.com last month. We winked at each other, and I sent him a message. As it usually goes for me, he didn’t have a paid account so he couldn’t read it. I was kinda bummed, but he lived fairly close and a few of my friends live in the same town. I was determined for us to have a mutual friend, and sure enough a few weeks ago I was reading someone’s comments and there he was!

I was super excited to see him. The first thing I did was send him a message. I felt a little creepy and stalkerish saying “Hey, I saw you on Match and we winked at each other. It turns out we have a mutual friend and I saw your comment.” I really didn’t know what else to say so I left it at that and sent a friend request. He added me within a few minutes, but I never did get a response.

A week later I decided to start an app game with him and he accepted the game request. We played a few moves in Words With Friends and after a few moves I sent a message using their chat system asking what kind of video games he liked. We had a good conversation and eventually made it easier by exchanging numbers for texting.

I must say, we have so much in common and feel the same way about so many things, it’s scary. It almost feels too good to be true. That is why we are both feeling cautious, though I am a little bit more cautious I think.

You see, I thought I wanted a fuck buddy, friend with benefits, whatever you want to call it. However, after thinking about it for a long time and talking to several close friends I realized that I want just the opposite. I want something real, I want a relationship. I miss having someone to share my day with, shoot ideas off of, cuddle with, fall asleep in their arms, and everything else. I try not to dwell on how much I miss those things, and my not dwelling on them at all in the beginning is what took me so long to realize what I truly wanted. It explains why I got turned off when a guy said he wanted the same thing I claimed that I wanted.

So, you can imagine my disappointment when this guy said he is looking for a friend with benefits. Now, I am glad we were able to be honest with each other, and I can handle a friend with benefits situation, but would prefer more. He knows this and respects this. That’s why we don’t plan on rushing into things. Damnit though if I am not scared shitless of falling for this guy.

He seems perfect for me. With so much in common, missing the same things, feeling the same way about things. I guess maybe I have a little hope that something more could come out of this, something more than what he plans on. You never know, it could happen and a girl can dream.

I have been more honest and open to this guy than I have been with anyone in a while. Hell, I even told him about this place. He has seen it and likes what he sees. He even made a blog himself, feeling like it would be a good place to vent and open up.

Now, I know we need to meet in person before we decide on things further. In fact, weather permitting, we plan to meet tomorrow. I look forward to it.

Whats Going on in My Life (Or Not)

I apologize for the lack of real life updating and naughty stories. Sadly, my life is not the exciting anymore. I haven’t heard from D since March, so I kind of gave up on him. I think he found someone new to play with and just doesn’t want to tell me. Whatever, I don’t care. As good as sex was with him, and with how sexy he made me feel, his penis was so damn big that it ripped my vagina every time.

Things with CB are a little slowed down. We did meet up for coffee the other day, because he had some errands to run in a neighboring town. It was kind of awkward, and I didn’t feel like we had much to talk about. We only spent about 15 minutes together in total. He was trying to get me to go eat with him, but I had dinner plans with my room mate for after. He showed me his pick up, which I found totally sexy. I love big pick ups. We still kind of sext, but don’t really have much phone sex anymore. He told me I had gorgeous eyes, and he found me really sexy. He was pretty damn hot himself. Total country boy, I loved it.

The back up guy (that I only kind of mentioned in passing) turned out to be a total flake. HE would say “Oh, lets meet up,” then I would not hear from him until a week later.

I answered a guy’s CL ad the other day, since he seemed pretty cool. I feel like a bitch saying it, but hes the total opposite. I am sure he is a really nice guy once you get to know him, but hes depressing as hell. He is always talking about how lonely he is, and how depressed he is. I feel bad for him, and I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

It has been over two months since I had sex. I miss it. A lot. I miss it so much that on my weekends, when I am bored and alone, I consider texting Toby. I just really don’t want to go there again.

So, I apologize for my lack of updates, but I just don’t have anything sexy to write about. Do stay tuned though, because I am actually writing a very sexy story with one of my twitter followers. I am looking forward to seeing where it goes. I will definitely post it (with his permission) when it is complete. I also will be receiving a book in the mail to review on here written by Shanna Katz.

Update: A Little Bit of Everything

I apologize for my lack of posting. I really have no excuse, other than pure laziness (and lack of motivation). I have plenty of ideas noted to write about, so it wasn’t a lack of things to write about. I admit, I was mostly unmotivated because I was thinking “what’s the point, no one reads?” but then I checked my site counter, and it seems I had a lot of visitors in the past week. That motivated me, so here I am.

Like I said, I have a list of things to write about. Unfortunately they are mostly just thoughts and feelings, no naughty stories yet. Some things to look forward to in upcoming posts are:

-Foreskin (my thoughts and experiences with it)
-Open relationships
-The type of guys that attract me as boyfriend material
-Why I hate the phrase “my bad”
-A random proposition I had
-A tattoo idea I had

Again, I apologize for not posting. I will try to do better.