Distractions

I swear, every time I have a paper for school to write, someone ends up distracting me. Now, I am a procrastinator, so I always seem to wait until the night before my paper is due to start on it. It’s not the distraction that’s a problem for me. I actually kind of like it. It gets me hot. Distraction teases me. I like to be teased, as frustrated sexually it might get me.

Last year for example: I was talking to one of my friends on the computer. I stupidly told them I had a paper that I was working on. They took that as their cue to distract me from doing this paper. They did everything they could to keep me from writing this paper. They talked dirty to me, told me how horny they were, typed up a fantasy for me, then we ended up cybering. They did this every time I had a paper. I finally learned after the second time NOT to tell them when I had a paper I was working on.

A couple of months ago Forbidden Fruit Guy and I both had a paper to do for the same class. We both waited until the night before it was due to start working on it. This was the second night we began to talk online, as we had just met a couple of weeks before. One of the first things we started to talk about was sex and everything that had to dso with sex.
We ended up cybering, and he made me very horny. Unfortunately, in my distraction of trying to take care of my needs, he was writing the paper. Now, I am not a multi-tasker, so I can only concentrate on one thing at a time. This meant that I focused on myself and talking to him instead of my paper. He finished his paper around midnight, and stayed up talking to me until two in the morning. I didn’t get my paper done until three.

However, the other day is the reason I am typing this post. Forbidden Fruit and I were going to work on the paper one day. We procrastinated though, and hung out with friends instead. That night when I got home I was too dang tired to do anything, so I set my alarm for super early so I could work on my paper, as it was due in twelve hours.

I get up, and I start work on the paper. I get about one page done before I have to get on the bus to school. I don’t think this a problem because I will have an hour and a half to work on it some more before going to class.

I get to the school library and seat myself with a girl I met a few weeks before. We chat for a few, and then we both go back to homework. Just as I am really getting into my paper, she randomly states that she has an awkward question for me. She said she didn’t want to say out loud, but had it typed on her laptop. I tell her to show me the question.

It turns out that her and her boyfriend are looking for a girl to have a threesome with, and wondered if I was interested or knew anyone who might be. I think about this offer for a second, already my heart pounding in excitement. I type back that I think a threesome would be fun, but the only thing is that I am a virgin, but have done other things. For the rest of the time I tried to work on paper, I was too distracted. I had just gotten invited to a threesome.

Since that day, I have been super excited. We have everything all planned out, have talked about boundaries and all that. One thing I am really nervous about is their boundaries. I mean, how far am I allowed to go with him before either of them get uncomfortable? I know he wants her and I to do stuff to each other, so I am excited about that. Update soon, I promise. If they let me, I might even post the details of what we do when we do it.

The Words We Use in Dirty Talk

The other night as I cybered with my friend, I really wanted to use the “C” word. I have never used the word “cunt” before, but for some reason I had the urge to use it. I ended up not using the word, because I was afraid of my cyber partner finding the word offensive. I was taught never to use the word, as it was a very derogatory word. Lately though, I have seen this word used often by other bloggers when they write their stories.

The next day I talked to several of my friends about what words they liked to use in dirty talk. Unfortunately none of them have ever talked dirty (or so they claim). Before thinking of my wording around my group of friends I say “I like cock and pussy.” Seeing their grinning faces, I realize what I had said. “Let me rephrase that, I like to use the words cock and pussy while talking dirty.”

They all just laughed at me and I laughed with them. I then asked them what they thought of “the C word.” Half of them said they didn’t care, a few confirmed that “the C word” was in fact “cunt,” and the rest asked what I meant. I then explained how I felt about the word, how I grew up believing the word should never be used, and how recently I wanted to use the word in my writing. They all agreed then that they didn’t care.

Every since I started blogging, I have opened my mind up to so many new things. I noticed that my writing has gotten much more detailed. I use more descriptive words, and I talk dirty more. Dirty talk really turns me on.

I like to use these words in writing: cock, pussy, titties, tits, cum, and fuck. There are many other words, but I won’t make a list. I am sure you will see them in future posts. Recently though, I have really wanted to use “cunt” when talking dirty. By reading other blogs, my mind has opened a lot more to the words available in my writing vocabulary.

What words do you like to use when talking dirty? Are there any words that offend you? Any words that you prefer to use over others?

Creep in my Past

In 8th grade I was invited by my crush to go over to his house. My mom said that it was fine, as long as his grandma was home. I was ecstatic. He was 17, a junior in high school, and tall. Little did I know, was that the grandma that was home was a lot older and not able to give supervision.

Everything was fine when I first arrived. We played video games and just talked, getting to know each other. Then he suddenly started to ask very personal questions about me. Questions like whether or not I had gotten my period yet, and if I was on it (though I lied and said I wasn’t).

Then he asked me if he could touch me. I said no. He then wanted to play truth or dare. I said sure, since I was young, naïve, and it was my favorite game at that age. He kept on choosing dares, and I was smart enough to choose only truths.
Throughout the whole time I was there, he kept giving me titty twisters. He would say something stupid like “did you hear about the twister coming to town?” He later asked me if I liked motorcycles. Thinking I was supposed to say yes to impress him, I said yes. He ended up showing me a pinup from a  topless magazine. The picture was a chick with huge tits sitting on a motorcycle.

He asked me if I wanted to see a picture of him from when he was little. I said yes, that I would love to see. Of course, it was a picture of him when he was between 3 and 5, naked. He kept trying to show me “how big it was” when he was little. At that time, I really didn’t understand the whole size thing, so I had no idea what he was talking about.

In between each sick thing he tried to show me, a thirteen year old, he kept asking me questions that a thirteen year old should not be asked. Questions like whether or not I was still a virgin. When I said that I was, he stated that that would change after a week in high school. Well, I have been out of high school for three years and I am still a virgin.

The last thing he did before it was time to go (I was only allowed to stay over for an hour and a half) was ask if I wanted to watch a movie. I said sure, and, I am sure you can guess, he put in a porno. He saw I was uncomfortable, so he turned it off. Finally, it was time to go.

When I got home, I felt sick. I could not keep playing in my mind what had happened over there. What if I hadn’t been on my period? What if I had dared him to kiss me when we were playing truth or dare? That night I had a hard time eating my dinner. I never did tell my mom, and I never told anyone about it until a year later when I told my best friend at the time. I think the reason I never told my parents was because I was afraid I would never be able to go over to a guy’s house again. I think I was also afraid of him getting in trouble, as I stupidly still had a crush on him. That stupid crush lasted a whole year after the incident, up until I moved to another state.

The Power of Scent

The power of smell is amazing. A pleasant smell can attract you to someone. A bad smell can make you steer clear of someone. I am someone who loves smell. My biggest weakness is the smell of men’s cologne or body spray. I never was a big fan of wearing perfume, but I love to wear certain body sprays. My room always smells like some scented candle. I would burn incense, but it irritates my mom’s allergies. Right now my room smells like the strawberry shortcake scented candle I got recently.

Anyways, a few weeks ago I was talking to my sister-in-law. We were talking about sites we like to buy stuff online. She told me about one site in particular that had a certain body spray that contains pheromones. This gave me an idea. How would Forbidden Fruit Guy act if I wore it around him? On my next payday I ordered the spray. It arrived about a week later, and as soon as I took a sniff of it, I was in love.

I wore it the next day to school, but Forbidden Fruit didn’t get close enough to notice. The next day I brought the bottle of spray with me, as I had noticed it wore off after a while. Before he met me in the cafeteria I sprayed some on and waited. As I sat there with one of my friends, I explained what my “plan” was. They just laughed at me.

Forbidden Fruit got there, and he seemed his normal self. Soon after another one of our friends joined us. He gave us each a hug (he’s gay), and then he sat in my lap. It was not long after that he chose me as his seat, that he started messing with me. He bit my neck, enough to leave a small hickey (which luckily faded after a few hours). He kept grabbing my breasts, tweaking my nipples. Then he started grabbing the inside of my thigh.

All of this was making me extremely horny. He knew this, so he kept it up. Everyone at the table was enjoying watching me squirm. After a few minutes of being fondled to the point of going crazy, I began tweaking the guy in my lap’s nipples. He then jumped up and started messing with Forbidden Fruit.

When our friend got bored and went to get food, Forbidden Fruit looked mortified and started complaining about our friend doing that to him. I asked if he needed a hug, and he accepted for once (normally it is almost a chore to get him to hug me). The rest of the morning he stayed close by me.

Later one of my friends snuck up from behind me and scared me (I am easily startled). I almost fell off my chair. As I was trying to get up, my ass sticking up in the air, Forbidden Fruit found it funny to slap me on the ass as hard as he could. That got me even more turned on. I was also shocked, but secretly happy. He then started complaining that his hand hurt from hitting so hard.

I spent the whole day surrounded by guys, all of them wanting to be near. I was also incredibly horny. It was during that day that I had the fantasy of getting a bullet to keep tucked in my panties, the remote in my pocket to be turned on when needed (times like these). After school when Forbidden Fruit and I went to the mall I came very close to getting one at Spencer’s, but they didn’t have any good bullets that would suit my need (something waterproof, quiet, and inexpensive). Plus, I had something similar at home to what they were selling.

That night I thought about everything that day. I realized that I was smelling the pheromone filled spray all day, so that could have added to why I was so horny. It could also have just been in my mind, knowing I am wearing something that is supposed to heighten the sexual mood, so I think that my mood is heightened (I hope that makes sense).

I also teased myself. I rubbed my bullet on my clit until right before the point of no return, and turned the toy off, setting it aside. It seemed so painful, and I wanted to orgasm so badly, but I waited. I even had one of my online friends tell me to wait, that I wasn’t allowed to finish until a couple hours later.

When I was finally able to finish, I came so hard. I waited for my mom to leave the house with her friend, and I put the bullet back on my clit and put it on full speed. When I finally let myself release, my orgasm was so intense, I made breathy moans even without using my glass toy inside. The moans were also much louder than normally when I let myself make noise. The question has been answered about me being a moaner or a screamer. I am definitely a moaner, with huge potential for being a screamer.

Tease

This is probably very wrong and mean, but I love to tease online. My favorite thing to do is get the person I am talking to (most often male) horny as hell. Some of these guys are more fun to tease than others, and some aren’t that fun to tease but I do it anyways.

So, the other night, as wrong as it was, I got him turned on. So turned on that he lost all of the things he said he couldn’t do. He told me he wasn’t horny, that he was trying to be good. I knew it was wrong, but I teased him. I wanted to make him hard, and tell me all about what he was doing with his cock. I wanted him to picture me, think of me.

I told him that a girl was staying the night, and what I wanted to do with her. I told him that she said she would let me experiment with her. He then thanked me. He thanked me for making him horny when he had been fine all day. I was glad my plan had worked.

I started talking even dirtier, getting more detailed in describing my fantasies with another woman. He wanted me to keep going. I was surprised, but pleased. I knew that what I was doing was wrong, hypocritical of me. He has a girlfriend, and when I had a boyfriend I hated it when my ex tried to get me to cyber, professing his feelings for me. I never could do anything with him while I had a boyfriend, so I knew it was wrong to get my friend to do it with me. Maybe I just wanted to see how far it would go.

Our Conversation went like this (with a little bit of punctuation/grammar editing):

Me: Does it get you hot, thinking I might get with a chick tonight?

Him: Kind of, sort of

Me: lol, kind of? Sort of?

Me: Thinking that 2 girls are going to get hot, naked, and wet together, do things to each other’s wet, aching pussies

Him: lol…..

Him: Not cool lol

Me: Playing with each other’s erect nipples, playing with breasts

Me: Sucking on them

Him: Ok

Him: It’s working

Me: hehe

Him: Dammit

Me: mmm, I can’t wait for her to suck on my nipples, put her fingers into my dripping wet pussy. (I am so wet right now)

Him: I don’t blame you

Me: Haha, if it happens

Me: I want it to happen…I bet you want it to happen…so I can tell you all about it later

Him: lol..

Me: Are you unsure?

Him: No

Me: What are you thinking about?

Him: lol, nothing in particular

Me: Liar

Me: You are fantasizing…being bad

Him: More like naughty

Me: Naughty is bad…You should get a spanking

Him: I need it

Me: Yes you do

Me: lol, want me to keep going? Or have I gone too far?

Him: No

Him: You can if you want

Me: Would you like me to?

Him: Yes

The conversation continued, but I was the only one typing. He was reading what I typed as he jacked off. What follows will be what I said, but in paragraph form.

Imagine us rubbing our clits together, squeezing each other’s nipples. She then flips me onto my back and slips a finger inside my dripping wet pussy, pressing her finger on my g spot. I want to cry out but I don’t. She then inserts another finger, thrusting it in and out. She’ll bend down her head and start to suck my nipple, then gently biting it with her teeth, pulling it back. She switches to the other nipple.

I reach up and I start to massage her tits, squeezing her nipples between my thumb and index finger. I finally gather my strength and sit up, telling her to get on her back. I put my finger inside her very wet pussy. It’s my first time touching someone else’s pussy. She’s so wet. I get even wetter.

I slowly start to play with her clit, rubbing in small circles I take my free hand and slip it inside her pussy, inserting one finger, then two. I thrust my fingers in and out. I wish I had a strap on to take her from behind. I decide to go down on her.

I put my head between her legs and wrap my arms around them. I take my first lick, starting from where her wet opening is, all the way to her clit. I flick my tongue over her clit, starting slow, and then going faster. I remember something I always wanted to try, and slowly start to write the alphabet on her clit. I start with lower case letters, then capital case.

She squirms, and I grab a hold. We can’t make the bed squeak, they will hear us. As I continue to lick her pussy, I take a hand and run my finger around it, all over, tracing every hot, wet fold. I tease her pussy a little, tracing the opening of it. I can tell she can’t take it anymore, so I slowly stick a finger partially in. About halfway in I pull out. I hear her breath escape. I put my finger all the way in then, hearing a sharp gasp. I slowly put a second finger in, and begin to thrust as I tease her clit with my tongue. I thrust in and out, getting faster, then slower, trying to make a rhythm between my tongue and hand. I feel her tight pussy clamp down on my fingers, then I feel get hot, next feeling a gust of wetness. With the extra lube I thrust faster, licking faster on her clit. I hear her cover her mouth as she lets out a big moan. I keep going until I know she is finished.

Next, she rolls me over and whispers that it’s my turn. I give myself a secret smile of anticipation of how good it will feel. She puts her arms around my legs and traces my pussy, so wet now, wetter than ever, with her tongue. She sticks her tongue deeper into my folds, finding my soaking pussy hole and sticks her tongue in as far as it will go. It takes everything I have not to cry out from the pleasure. I feel her tongue softly going in and out, then all over my pussy.

Next she concentrates on my clit, running her tongue in soft circles all over. I feel her tongue flick and tease. I slowly start to thrust my hips up into the air, wanting more. I need something inside me, now. I feel her thrusting her fingers in and out, licking my clit. I feel ready to burst. Burst I do as waves of hot, sensational pleasure from my orgasm take control of my body.

Friends With Benefits

For the past few years, off and on, I have felt like I have wanted a friend with benefits. I just wanted someone to fool around with, experiment with, and discover myself. This feeling has been much stronger for the last few months though.I just know however, that I could not handle it emotionally.

Pretty much my whole life I never really had the best self esteem. Although my self esteem has improved greatly over the past two years, I still don’t think I could handle it. This is irritating to me. It’s irritating because I don’t want a commitment right now, but I really want someone to help me discover myself. I try to masturbate to get it out of my system, the horniness, but it doesn’t help. Yeah, I can have an orgasm, but in the end I feel even hornier afterwards, wishing someone was there to help me do what I do.

I also think it’s an attachment issue. My whole life I have always tended to get really attached, especially to people I do stuff with. I can certainly name a few examples, the guy in the basement being one attachment. Luckily we didn’t do anything except kiss (though kissing was a big deal to me then, not so much now). Over the years, I had smaller attachments. I would think that any guy that talked to me or was nice to me automatically making me feel an attachment, a crush of sorts.

Though, I think the biggest attachment has been made within the past few weeks, though thankfully it has pretty much went away since he left. This attachment was with my so called best friend, the one who asked me to give him a blow job. I warned him I had attachment issues, and I was right. I did develop a slight attachment to him, though every time I tried to talk to him about it he blew me off.

Since he is gone, I have begun to think more clearly. He knew I trusted him, and that’s how he knew I was able to say yes, that I would think I could talk to him afterwards. Before this incident, I really wanted a friend with benefits. Now, I am not so sure.

A part of me is terrified of the idea of having one, because of the pain emotional pain I put myself through. The other part of me really wants a friend with benefits. I don’t want one just for the sexual stuff, I want one to help me learn to distance myself.

I am sure this post is a mixture of repetitiveness and ramblings, but maybe I could get some advice? Have you had a friend with benefits? How did you handle it? Did it ever become a problem for you?

Embarrassing Moments

We all have our embarrassing moments, and some just seem to top all of the others. Some of them can seem so bad at the time they happen that you forget your other embarrassing moments. I know that growing up, I had silly embarrassing moments, even though at the time they seemed like the end of the world for me. For example, when I was in third grade, I had my first crush. This crush lasted until 5ifth grade. In the middle of third grade, he changed schools. He gave me his number and told me to call him. Throughout the day on his last day he kept giving me hugs. The teacher knew how much I liked him, so when he was gone from the school, she gave me all of the pictures she had of him (from when we took class pictures for the year book).

I tried to call him about every other week. I was always so shy and nervous that I would get halfway through dialing and hang up. I would do this for a good ten minutes, dial partially, hang up, and then try to dial again, just to hang up. One night when I called him, I got the answering machine. With me being so nervous in the first place, I automatically hung up. I hated the way my voice sounds on machines, and still do to this day.

About ten minutes after hanging up on his answering machine, the phone rang. My dad answered, and the only thing I heard come out of his mouth was “Oh, that was just my daughter trying to call her little boyfriend…” That then felt like the end of the world. The only thing I could think was that now he would know I would like him. My dad gave me the phone and his mom put him on the phone. We talked, just about school, differences in what we were learning in class, etc.

Middle school I had what was then my most embarrassing moment. I was new to the “being a woman thing,” so I never came prepared. At least every few months in school I had to go to the office and ask for a “feminine product.” Back then it felt embarrassing because I was the only girl in my class to have a period. Well, one day I went to my Grandma’s house and sat in my favorite chair. The chair was an antique that had recently been reupholstered in white fabric. Of course, I started my period, and when I got up, there has forever since been a big red stain. That was probably most embarrassing moment.

In high school, I had another big crush. He was my best friend at the time (the one who wrote me the friendship ending email). Whenever he called and my dad would answer the phone, I would hear my dad yell for me, “Tashamber, it’s your boyfriend.” Of course he was not my boyfriend, but I was so embarrassed then, to think my dad would give away my secret of liking him. That still did not top the embarrassing moment at my grandma’s in middle school.

However, today at work just topped all of these embarrassing moments. When it happened, I forgot all of the things I am now able to remember and type. I just felt like such a shit when today’s horror of horrors happened. So, what is so bad about what happened you ask?

I am sure some of us have naughty pictures of someone we know or fantasize about stashed somewhere. These pictures could be on a phone, in a special drawer, on a computer, or someplace else. They are the kind of pictures that you would just die if someone found, but keep them anyways for your own entertainment. Or maybe you just forgot about them.
My naughty pictures were on my phone. After today I deleted them. I knew I had them, I knew I should have deleted them. Today I was given that extra push to do so. I was sitting with my boss in her office at work. We were talking about phones. She asked to see my phone, since she is thinking about getting a new phone herself.

I hand her my phone, hoping in my mind that she will not press the up arrow button that would take her directly to my pictures. What does she push? The up arrow button. She starts to flip through each picture one by one, asking about each one. I am dying inside at this point. There are only five pictures before the naughty pictures would show up. She comments on the first two (before the naughty pictures), and keeps flipping. I am terrified at this point. Suddenly she hands me my phone back, it is closed and back to the main screen. She gets up, says she has to go (though she was talking about how she had to go earlier).

I don’t think I could get out of that office fast enough. I spent the rest of the day replaying the embarrassing horror of what happened in my boss’s office. She did not say anything about the pictures, but that certainly does not mean she didn’t see them. She was probably just too embarrassed herself to say anything. What makes me feel even worse is that she is my cousin. I grew up around her, always acting the innocent angel.

I don’t think I have ever cleaned my bathroom fast enough (I am a janitor). I listened to some music, songs that kind of made me stop thinking. I calmed down a little bit. I talked to a few co-workers, asking them if they had any embarrassing moments that just made you forget anything else that had ever seemed embarrassing up until that moment. As well as saying no, they asked me what happened to me that was so embarrassing. I couldn’t tell them. I just made up some excuse saying that I was just thinking on the past.

I still feel bad about what my boss most likely saw. She probably thinks I just had some naughty pictures of my ex that I forgot about. Or, she could have went with my rambling explanation of how my friends sometimes borrow my phone and take off with it, sending pictures and texts to one another. Or, hopefully, she did not see it. I know she saw it. I am so glad she didn’t say anything, but I still feel sick when I think back at how this whole embarrassment could have been prevented by just deleting those damn pictures. I mean, I have them on my computer. I sent them from my phone to my computer, so why did I still need them on my phone? *Beats head against wall in humiliation.*

So, tell me. Where do you keep your naughty pictures? What are your most embarrassing moments? Did your embarrassing moments ever include your naughty material? Help take my mind off of my embarrassing moment that I will probably laugh at in a few years when something even worse happens.

Jealousy

As I said in my last post, I have the worst jealous bone ever. If there was one thing I could change about myself, it would be that I didn’t have my jealous bone. I have had this problem ever since I was little. When my mom would babysit, I would get jealous that the kid being watched got more attention than me. As I grew older, I would get jealous because of feeling left out.

I have never done well in big groups of people. I always got left out, especially in class or P.E. when it came to choosing teams. I would always get picked last. During sleepovers and birthday parties, I would always be the quiet observer in the corner, not being invited to join in. I have gotten better now about group things, but only when I am with my closest friends. I feel comfortable enough to join in. Yet, when it comes to group projects for class, I am the worst. I hate working in groups. Sometimes I even have trouble at work. For example, I feel upset when one of my co-workers does something that I was about to do myself. I feel upset because then I have to replan how I was going to go about my routine.

Growing up though, I am wondering if my jealousy has turned more into a mama hen thing. I am very protective of my friends. Most of my friends are guys, and most girls I don’t trust. I don’t trust most girls because I got stabbed in the back too many times when I was younger. I have gotten better about being around girls though. Anyways, I want to protect my friends from getting hurt. So I wonder if my “jealousy” ties into wanting to be protective and not wanting to feel left out.

For example, when one of my guy friends goes on dates, or ditches me to go hang out with another girl, I feel upset. I feel a mixture of jealousy, protectiveness, and slightly left out. Last week’s outing at the titty bar is a perfect example. It was me and all of my guy friends, including the one I gave head to the week before. We all left extremely horny, and he started saying he was going to try to get laid.

I really wanted to have one last chance with him before he left, so I offered to let him stay over again. He just looked at me and said that we would have to talk about it later. I felt really hurt. I guess it was a good thing that he refused my offer, because in the end I am sure I would have felt really hurt and used just like I did last time. At the same time though, I was hurt because I felt inadequate, like I couldn’t satisfy him, or wasn’t good enough to satisfy.

All in all, I think my jealousy issue has to do with low self confidence. All my life I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. Getting picked last or never included in groups just made me feel worse. I was never social growing up. I still am pretty anti social except with my select group of friends. I am sure this whole post was just me rambling on, but I felt like I needed to get something out into the open.

Falling

I think I am falling for Forbidden Fruit guy. This is bad, very bad. First of all, I just got out of a serious relationship, so I am not ready for a boyfriend. Secondly, the most obvious reason, he likes guys. He likes guys a lot more than girls. Yeah, he does like a few girls, but not as much as guys.

So, why do I think I am falling for him? Well, I have been spending a lot of time with him. Every Tuesday and Thursday after class we go to the mall and hang out there all afternoon, just looking around. When it is time for me to catch my bus, he walks me to the bus stops and gives me a hug.

The other day we were at the mall and joking around. He makes little comments about how people think we are dating. He claims to not like the idea, but I think its funny when he brings it up. Anyways, he made some comment about how “he knows I secretly want him.” Because a certain friend of mine said the key to getting him was not to appear too easy, I said no.

As soon as I said this, he gave me this sad look and said he would never ask me out, since “I would obviously say no.” Feeling bad, and thinking I screwed up any chance I had, I told him that the reason I said no was because it wasn’t a secret that I wanted him and that if he were to ask me out I would in fact say yes.

As soon as I said this, he said he was just teasing. What the hell? He seems like a great guy one minute, and then completely turns around by teasing and manipulating me. So, why do I think I am falling for someone that treats me like that? How does he feel about me? Is he flirting, being shy, or just a complete ass? I ask myself this stuff every time I am around him.

It is very frustrating to not know where I am in our “friendship.” As I think I said in another post, he can read me like a book, yet I can’t read him. He seems so complicated and confusing. Yet, I feel like I can be myself around him, like I don’t have to hide anything. I also have never felt hornier when I am around him. No one else knows how to drive me crazy without doing anything. He knows he drives me crazy and he does things on purpose to make me go crazy.

For example, he is always staring at my boobs. When I “accidentally” rub them against his arm, he acts all grossed out, yet he is always staring at them. Then at other times he acts like he is going to grab them, but then “misses.” I really don’t mind if he touches them. When he has managed to grab them, or attempt to tweak my nipple through my bra, I get a wave of heat and pleasure run through my veins.

This whole falling for him brings me to another issue, a minor irritation: my jealous bone. The other day our friend joined us. Now, Forbidden Fruit does not like the guy that joined us in a sexual way, only as a friend, but the friend has a crush on Forbidden Fruit. Anyways, they went into the bathroom together, and even though I knew that Forbidden Fruit would never do anything with this guy, I still felt a little twinge of jealousy. Anyways, they came back, and of course they didn’t do anything, but I was still jealous. That’s stupid I know. I hate my jealous bone.

Fascination by Watching

This is probably going to sound creepy, but I am fascinated at the idea of watching someone have sex. Not just in a porno, but in real life. I always thought it would be fun to record people having sex. If one of my friends were to ask me to record them, I would do it in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t want a copy (unless they wanted to give me a copy), but I just like the idea of watching. It turns me on.

This one time my best friend and her boyfriend got on webcam as a joke and had sex in front of the cam. I told them I didn’t watch, that it was gross, but I was actually very fascinated and turned on. I couldn’t take my eyes away. When they did it, the camera didn’t show more than from the upper waist up, so I saw no naughty bits, and my friend had a shirt on.
Ever since I learned about masturbation, I had always had fantasies of watching a guy masturbate. My last two boyfriends I had let me watch them masturbate, and my latest one and I masturbated together. I even timed it to cum when he came. Doing this made me cum even harder.

I like watching a guy cum. I find that fascinating. On my favorite porno scenes, ones that I have watched more than once, I am able to time it so that I cum when the actors cum. Semen doesn’t bother me. I even will swallow after a blowjob if the taste isn’t too bad.

I am not writing this to seem creepy. Watching is just one of the many things that fascinate me. Now, when I say I like to watch, I mean with given permission. However, the idea of voyeurism does have its appeal. I mean, I wouldn’t be a voyeur on purpose. I just like the idea of walking in on someone, and possibly joining them.

For example, a couple of weeks ago my mom and I had a couple of friends stay over. One of those days, my mom and I came in from my mom picking me up from work. Our company was not in the living room where she left them, but the TV was on. When I went to drop my stuff off in my room, I could see that the bathroom light was on and the door shut. I stopped and listened, and I could hear them inside having sex. My mom and I then just waited patiently in the living room for them to get done.

Even though I acted giggly about it, even though we teased them about it, I was still very turned on. I had images of myself joining them. I wished that they were in the living room so I could see them, even if it was only a second.
Also, several times my mom and I have been coming in from the parking lot at our apartment building and heard our neighbors upstairs. They were very loud, and you could hear everything the woman said. My mom was disgusted, but I was fascinated. I tried to picture in my mind what they were doing and how they were doing it.

Maybe the watching thing is just from curiosity. I mean, I can see it all in pornos, but there is just something different about seeing it firsthand. I would love to hear your thoughts. Do you think that my little fascination is creepy? Anyone else fascinated or turned on by the idea of watching? What are your fascinations that some people may find creepy?