Embarrassing Moments

We all have our embarrassing moments, and some just seem to top all of the others. Some of them can seem so bad at the time they happen that you forget your other embarrassing moments. I know that growing up, I had silly embarrassing moments, even though at the time they seemed like the end of the world for me. For example, when I was in third grade, I had my first crush. This crush lasted until 5ifth grade. In the middle of third grade, he changed schools. He gave me his number and told me to call him. Throughout the day on his last day he kept giving me hugs. The teacher knew how much I liked him, so when he was gone from the school, she gave me all of the pictures she had of him (from when we took class pictures for the year book).

I tried to call him about every other week. I was always so shy and nervous that I would get halfway through dialing and hang up. I would do this for a good ten minutes, dial partially, hang up, and then try to dial again, just to hang up. One night when I called him, I got the answering machine. With me being so nervous in the first place, I automatically hung up. I hated the way my voice sounds on machines, and still do to this day.

About ten minutes after hanging up on his answering machine, the phone rang. My dad answered, and the only thing I heard come out of his mouth was “Oh, that was just my daughter trying to call her little boyfriend…” That then felt like the end of the world. The only thing I could think was that now he would know I would like him. My dad gave me the phone and his mom put him on the phone. We talked, just about school, differences in what we were learning in class, etc.

Middle school I had what was then my most embarrassing moment. I was new to the “being a woman thing,” so I never came prepared. At least every few months in school I had to go to the office and ask for a “feminine product.” Back then it felt embarrassing because I was the only girl in my class to have a period. Well, one day I went to my Grandma’s house and sat in my favorite chair. The chair was an antique that had recently been reupholstered in white fabric. Of course, I started my period, and when I got up, there has forever since been a big red stain. That was probably most embarrassing moment.

In high school, I had another big crush. He was my best friend at the time (the one who wrote me the friendship ending email). Whenever he called and my dad would answer the phone, I would hear my dad yell for me, “Tashamber, it’s your boyfriend.” Of course he was not my boyfriend, but I was so embarrassed then, to think my dad would give away my secret of liking him. That still did not top the embarrassing moment at my grandma’s in middle school.

However, today at work just topped all of these embarrassing moments. When it happened, I forgot all of the things I am now able to remember and type. I just felt like such a shit when today’s horror of horrors happened. So, what is so bad about what happened you ask?

I am sure some of us have naughty pictures of someone we know or fantasize about stashed somewhere. These pictures could be on a phone, in a special drawer, on a computer, or someplace else. They are the kind of pictures that you would just die if someone found, but keep them anyways for your own entertainment. Or maybe you just forgot about them.
My naughty pictures were on my phone. After today I deleted them. I knew I had them, I knew I should have deleted them. Today I was given that extra push to do so. I was sitting with my boss in her office at work. We were talking about phones. She asked to see my phone, since she is thinking about getting a new phone herself.

I hand her my phone, hoping in my mind that she will not press the up arrow button that would take her directly to my pictures. What does she push? The up arrow button. She starts to flip through each picture one by one, asking about each one. I am dying inside at this point. There are only five pictures before the naughty pictures would show up. She comments on the first two (before the naughty pictures), and keeps flipping. I am terrified at this point. Suddenly she hands me my phone back, it is closed and back to the main screen. She gets up, says she has to go (though she was talking about how she had to go earlier).

I don’t think I could get out of that office fast enough. I spent the rest of the day replaying the embarrassing horror of what happened in my boss’s office. She did not say anything about the pictures, but that certainly does not mean she didn’t see them. She was probably just too embarrassed herself to say anything. What makes me feel even worse is that she is my cousin. I grew up around her, always acting the innocent angel.

I don’t think I have ever cleaned my bathroom fast enough (I am a janitor). I listened to some music, songs that kind of made me stop thinking. I calmed down a little bit. I talked to a few co-workers, asking them if they had any embarrassing moments that just made you forget anything else that had ever seemed embarrassing up until that moment. As well as saying no, they asked me what happened to me that was so embarrassing. I couldn’t tell them. I just made up some excuse saying that I was just thinking on the past.

I still feel bad about what my boss most likely saw. She probably thinks I just had some naughty pictures of my ex that I forgot about. Or, she could have went with my rambling explanation of how my friends sometimes borrow my phone and take off with it, sending pictures and texts to one another. Or, hopefully, she did not see it. I know she saw it. I am so glad she didn’t say anything, but I still feel sick when I think back at how this whole embarrassment could have been prevented by just deleting those damn pictures. I mean, I have them on my computer. I sent them from my phone to my computer, so why did I still need them on my phone? *Beats head against wall in humiliation.*

So, tell me. Where do you keep your naughty pictures? What are your most embarrassing moments? Did your embarrassing moments ever include your naughty material? Help take my mind off of my embarrassing moment that I will probably laugh at in a few years when something even worse happens.

Jealousy

As I said in my last post, I have the worst jealous bone ever. If there was one thing I could change about myself, it would be that I didn’t have my jealous bone. I have had this problem ever since I was little. When my mom would babysit, I would get jealous that the kid being watched got more attention than me. As I grew older, I would get jealous because of feeling left out.

I have never done well in big groups of people. I always got left out, especially in class or P.E. when it came to choosing teams. I would always get picked last. During sleepovers and birthday parties, I would always be the quiet observer in the corner, not being invited to join in. I have gotten better now about group things, but only when I am with my closest friends. I feel comfortable enough to join in. Yet, when it comes to group projects for class, I am the worst. I hate working in groups. Sometimes I even have trouble at work. For example, I feel upset when one of my co-workers does something that I was about to do myself. I feel upset because then I have to replan how I was going to go about my routine.

Growing up though, I am wondering if my jealousy has turned more into a mama hen thing. I am very protective of my friends. Most of my friends are guys, and most girls I don’t trust. I don’t trust most girls because I got stabbed in the back too many times when I was younger. I have gotten better about being around girls though. Anyways, I want to protect my friends from getting hurt. So I wonder if my “jealousy” ties into wanting to be protective and not wanting to feel left out.

For example, when one of my guy friends goes on dates, or ditches me to go hang out with another girl, I feel upset. I feel a mixture of jealousy, protectiveness, and slightly left out. Last week’s outing at the titty bar is a perfect example. It was me and all of my guy friends, including the one I gave head to the week before. We all left extremely horny, and he started saying he was going to try to get laid.

I really wanted to have one last chance with him before he left, so I offered to let him stay over again. He just looked at me and said that we would have to talk about it later. I felt really hurt. I guess it was a good thing that he refused my offer, because in the end I am sure I would have felt really hurt and used just like I did last time. At the same time though, I was hurt because I felt inadequate, like I couldn’t satisfy him, or wasn’t good enough to satisfy.

All in all, I think my jealousy issue has to do with low self confidence. All my life I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. Getting picked last or never included in groups just made me feel worse. I was never social growing up. I still am pretty anti social except with my select group of friends. I am sure this whole post was just me rambling on, but I felt like I needed to get something out into the open.

Falling

I think I am falling for Forbidden Fruit guy. This is bad, very bad. First of all, I just got out of a serious relationship, so I am not ready for a boyfriend. Secondly, the most obvious reason, he likes guys. He likes guys a lot more than girls. Yeah, he does like a few girls, but not as much as guys.

So, why do I think I am falling for him? Well, I have been spending a lot of time with him. Every Tuesday and Thursday after class we go to the mall and hang out there all afternoon, just looking around. When it is time for me to catch my bus, he walks me to the bus stops and gives me a hug.

The other day we were at the mall and joking around. He makes little comments about how people think we are dating. He claims to not like the idea, but I think its funny when he brings it up. Anyways, he made some comment about how “he knows I secretly want him.” Because a certain friend of mine said the key to getting him was not to appear too easy, I said no.

As soon as I said this, he gave me this sad look and said he would never ask me out, since “I would obviously say no.” Feeling bad, and thinking I screwed up any chance I had, I told him that the reason I said no was because it wasn’t a secret that I wanted him and that if he were to ask me out I would in fact say yes.

As soon as I said this, he said he was just teasing. What the hell? He seems like a great guy one minute, and then completely turns around by teasing and manipulating me. So, why do I think I am falling for someone that treats me like that? How does he feel about me? Is he flirting, being shy, or just a complete ass? I ask myself this stuff every time I am around him.

It is very frustrating to not know where I am in our “friendship.” As I think I said in another post, he can read me like a book, yet I can’t read him. He seems so complicated and confusing. Yet, I feel like I can be myself around him, like I don’t have to hide anything. I also have never felt hornier when I am around him. No one else knows how to drive me crazy without doing anything. He knows he drives me crazy and he does things on purpose to make me go crazy.

For example, he is always staring at my boobs. When I “accidentally” rub them against his arm, he acts all grossed out, yet he is always staring at them. Then at other times he acts like he is going to grab them, but then “misses.” I really don’t mind if he touches them. When he has managed to grab them, or attempt to tweak my nipple through my bra, I get a wave of heat and pleasure run through my veins.

This whole falling for him brings me to another issue, a minor irritation: my jealous bone. The other day our friend joined us. Now, Forbidden Fruit does not like the guy that joined us in a sexual way, only as a friend, but the friend has a crush on Forbidden Fruit. Anyways, they went into the bathroom together, and even though I knew that Forbidden Fruit would never do anything with this guy, I still felt a little twinge of jealousy. Anyways, they came back, and of course they didn’t do anything, but I was still jealous. That’s stupid I know. I hate my jealous bone.

Fascination by Watching

This is probably going to sound creepy, but I am fascinated at the idea of watching someone have sex. Not just in a porno, but in real life. I always thought it would be fun to record people having sex. If one of my friends were to ask me to record them, I would do it in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t want a copy (unless they wanted to give me a copy), but I just like the idea of watching. It turns me on.

This one time my best friend and her boyfriend got on webcam as a joke and had sex in front of the cam. I told them I didn’t watch, that it was gross, but I was actually very fascinated and turned on. I couldn’t take my eyes away. When they did it, the camera didn’t show more than from the upper waist up, so I saw no naughty bits, and my friend had a shirt on.
Ever since I learned about masturbation, I had always had fantasies of watching a guy masturbate. My last two boyfriends I had let me watch them masturbate, and my latest one and I masturbated together. I even timed it to cum when he came. Doing this made me cum even harder.

I like watching a guy cum. I find that fascinating. On my favorite porno scenes, ones that I have watched more than once, I am able to time it so that I cum when the actors cum. Semen doesn’t bother me. I even will swallow after a blowjob if the taste isn’t too bad.

I am not writing this to seem creepy. Watching is just one of the many things that fascinate me. Now, when I say I like to watch, I mean with given permission. However, the idea of voyeurism does have its appeal. I mean, I wouldn’t be a voyeur on purpose. I just like the idea of walking in on someone, and possibly joining them.

For example, a couple of weeks ago my mom and I had a couple of friends stay over. One of those days, my mom and I came in from my mom picking me up from work. Our company was not in the living room where she left them, but the TV was on. When I went to drop my stuff off in my room, I could see that the bathroom light was on and the door shut. I stopped and listened, and I could hear them inside having sex. My mom and I then just waited patiently in the living room for them to get done.

Even though I acted giggly about it, even though we teased them about it, I was still very turned on. I had images of myself joining them. I wished that they were in the living room so I could see them, even if it was only a second.
Also, several times my mom and I have been coming in from the parking lot at our apartment building and heard our neighbors upstairs. They were very loud, and you could hear everything the woman said. My mom was disgusted, but I was fascinated. I tried to picture in my mind what they were doing and how they were doing it.

Maybe the watching thing is just from curiosity. I mean, I can see it all in pornos, but there is just something different about seeing it firsthand. I would love to hear your thoughts. Do you think that my little fascination is creepy? Anyone else fascinated or turned on by the idea of watching? What are your fascinations that some people may find creepy?

The Guy in the Basement

About a month after my first boyfriend and I broke up, my mom and I went to her friend’s house. I didn’t really want to go, but had to anyways. We were just going so that the two could hang out in a place other than work. At the time, the only reason I was finally persuaded to go was because she said her friend had a son my age.

When we got there, her friend answered the door. She showed us her house, and introduced us to her son. He was pretty cute, but wasn’t very talkative, as he was busy playing on the computer.

I went with my mom and her friend back to the living room. I sat on the couch opposite my mom and her friend. I spent my time just looking around the house from what I could see in my chair. After about twenty minutes of listening to my mom and her friend talk about stuff I had no interest in, I noticed her son sit on the steps leading from the living room to the computer room. He made a “yakking” motion with his hand. When I nodded, he motioned for me to follow him.

I ended up following him to the basement, his bedroom. He was playing video games. I think it was Halo on the Xbox, but I am not sure. We introduced ourselves a little bit more, learning the basics about each other. He played his game while I watched. He also was listening to Marilyn Manson music, telling me which song was which.

After a while, our moms came downstairs. They informed us that they were going to get pizza, and that we could go with them or stay there. He said he would stay, so I decided to stay as well. He kept playing, but then his character died. He gave a pouty face and asked for a hug. I was more than happy to. We hugged, and I noticed the smell of his hair. This continued for a while, him dying in game and us hugging.

About thirty minutes later our moms got back. They called us to come up and get our food. He stood up first, and waited in the middle of the room for me to get up. When I reached him, he stood in front of me. He told me I had green eyes. When I looked up to see his eye color, he gave me a quick kiss.

We hurried upstairs and got some pizza, then went back to his room. He gave me a soda, and I watched him play his game while we ate. Between bites, he would lean over and kiss me, his lips resting on mine a little bit longer each time. By the time we finished our pizza, we were making out. I have to say, he is still the best kisser I have ever kissed. It was so long ago, so I can’t really say what it was that was so great about kissing him.

After a little while, our moms wanted us to come back upstairs and play a board game with them. I forgot what game it was, but I know I had never played it before. We all decided to play as teams, him and I on one team, our moms on another team. As we sat at the table playing, we ended up holding hands. I don’t think our moms noticed.

Finally the game was done, so we went back downstairs and made out some more. Soon I was comfortable enough to lean over for a kiss myself. Before we knew it, it was ten at night. My mom said we would come back the next day. We hugged goodbye, and when our moms weren’t looking, he gave me one last kiss.

The next day my mom and I went back as planned. The first place I went was to his room. He was playing his game again, but paused it to give me a hug. I watched him play for a while, and finally he gave me a kiss. He then decided he wanted to show off. We grabbed a video camera and went outside. He had me record him doing stupid stunts outside. We went back inside later and recorded him doing stuff on the stairs.

We later went back to his room, and made out some more. We never did anything but hug and kiss. Now, I am surprised at this. You would think that there would be a lot more groping going on. We did however lay down next to each other on his bed holding hands. It would have been horrible if one of our moms walked in, but we got lucky.

After a few minutes of laying together, he suddenly rolled on top of me. This is when I realized how turned on I got at someone’s weight on top of me. We kissed as he looked down into my eyes. After a few seconds he rolled off of me and got up. I got up to.

Basically, our day just consisted of finding a room in the house, making out, and going to another room to do the same. Around noon we went into the kitchen and he made us lunch. A few hours later it was time for me to go. We hugged and kissed one last time.

That night when I got on to AIM, I added him to my friends list. When he signed on, we talked for a bit. Me being inexperienced in the guy department still, I was unclear on what we were. So I asked him what this weekend made us. He says we were just friends because he never asked me out. Not taking the hint, I proceeded to ask him out. His answer was no. He said no because he wasn’t ready for a commitment just yet.

We still continued to talk online, but my mom and I never went back to his house. I guess my mom and his mom had some kind of falling out. I still had him in my thoughts, and still had the idea that there was a chance, so when one of the major dances was coming up at my school, I called him and asked him. He said no, I finally took a hint, and that was the end of him and me.

After about a year or so we lost contact all together. He must have got a new screen name because he has never been back on since I asked him. That or he just blocked me. I always wonder what he’s up to and how he is. When I moved back to my home town I lost contact with pretty much all of my friends I had there.

Blind Date

January of 2007 I went on my first blind date. I was really excited, as I had always wanted to go on a blind date. My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend had a friend who had a friend that was looking for a blind date and thought I would be perfect for him.

I was a little weary at first, because I knew that the boyfriend’s friend did not like me much. Apparently he was scared of me. It took a little coaxing, but finally I agreed. They couple called me and the friend back and forth, and we agreed to meet at a local coffee shop that Monday.

When I got to the coffee shop, I noticed it was a little busy, since it was lunch time rush. I looked around, but I had no idea who I was looking for. All I knew was his name. I didn’t see anyone that looked like they were waiting to meet someone. The only person that really stood out to me was a guy reading a book, and a pile of notebooks in front of him. He looked like he was studying.

I got in line and ordered my drink. After I got my drink I took it to  high table and started to slowly sip, I sat there looking around, slowly sipping my drink. After sitting there for about 10 minutes, I started to feel a little pissed off. I took out my cell phone, but didn’t have any reception. I grabbed my stuff with full intentions of stepping outside to call my friends. Just as I was getting off my seat, the guy I noticed reading earlier came up to me and asked if my name was Tashamber. I said yes and confirmed his name. I noticed he had the bluest eyes I have ever seen.

I set my stuff back down and sat back down and he joined me. He said he saw a picture of me from my MySpace, but that I looked a little different from my picture. We talked a little bit, and he talked about what he was studying. We get to talking, and he talks about how his friend came to deciding to set us up. Apparently, his friend that was terrified of me thought we would be a perfect match because “I liked sex.”

Great, this person thinks I am going to jump his bones. I tell him that his friend had me all wrong, and  that I was all talk and no game. I still had only kissed a guy, and that being the farthest I have ever gone, besides the stuff I had done online. He said he understood, so we just talked about anything in general.

After about thirty minutes of talking, getting to know each other, we decide to go to get something to eat. I was too nervous to have anything, but he got some food. We chose a table and sat down. We get to talking about sex, and all of his past relationships. I was thinking that this guy really got around. I got into detail of my two boyfriends, the one in real life and the one online.

Well, besides the first impression, I thought we were really hitting it off. At least, I felt like we were hitting it off until the very end of our blind date when he tells me he is in a long distance relationship as well as seeing six other people. Then he had the balls to tell me that if I ever wanted to learn anything about being with a guy that I should give him a call. That right there was a total turn off. I played it cool though, and he walked me to the bus stop, we exchanged numbers, and he gave me a hug goodbye.

We ended up adding each other to MySpace, and a few days later he left me a comment saying how much fun he had and to give him a call. I ignored the comment, and the next day he called and asked if we could go out again. I told him I wasn’t sure, and I would call him when I found out what my work schedule would be. At the time I didn’t want to say no, so I was glad when work prevented me from going out with him again. I don’t think we have talked since.

Girl Interrupted

So tonight I am talking to one of my friends online. We start talking naughty to each other, saying what we want to do to the other. Of course, being a sucker for dirty talk, I start to get very wet and my clit starts to throb. I need to take care of this problem, and fast.

We decide to go on webcam. As I wait to make sure my mom will be too busy with her online game to notice me, I start to rub the cool glass of my dildo all over my pussy. It was not long after that I couldn’t take it anymore, and ached for something on my clit. I put my bullet on my clit, and held it there. I began to rock my hips back and forth, thrusting onto the vibe.

This really gets me worked up, so guess what happens just I am about to make the invite for them to view my cam? My mom knocks on the door! I was so flustered, and was completely naked. I heard her try to turn the handle, but thank God I locked it. I stumbled around, trying to get some clothes on, almost falling over twice and coming close to knocking over my laptop sitting on the TV tray.

Finally, I get to the door and open it. She asked to see the receipt from groceries a few weeks ago. I grab it for her, my face beat red. She just walks away quickly, not making eye contact the entire time she was there.

Well, that pretty much killed my mood for the night, but then I got to talking to my friend again, and they had me worked up in no time. I slowly began rubbing my glass dildo over my pussy, letting it slide in partially, then pulling it out to rub around some more. I rubbed the ribbed swirls over my clit, sending hot sensations running through my body.

Finally, we hook up to the cams. I continue what I was doing as I watch them play with themselves. I got even hotter. I liked that they could tell how hot I was. I started playing with my nipples as I watch them.

Just when I get into it, even more than I was when I first started, and of course knowing my luck, my cell phone rang. I decided to ignore it. It was just one of my friends, they would call back later, or I would call them back. Well, later they did call back. Try thrity seconds later. I started to get up, but decided I would just let it ring. The ringing stopped, and I went back to trying to finish. One minute later the house phone rings. I know who it is, but I let my mom answer it. She transfers it to me.

I felt horrible. I get up and answer the phone while my friend is showing off on webcam for me? What the hell? I get off the phone as fast as I can, and get back to work. A few minutes later, we both watched each other cum.

I don’t think I have ever been interrupted this many times in the three years I have been masturbating. I think being interrupted is one of the most irritating things that can happen to someone masturbating. It can be irritating, but it also has the potential to be very hot if the right person catches you. Lets say, the person you are thinking about as you pleasure yourself? What could make it even hotter is if they join in, or they take over for you. That’s like, one of my biggest fantasies. I would love someone to walk in on me, someone I am thinking about while I play with myself, and have them help me finish, or watch them as I get off.

Sheltered

I grew up a very sheltered life. I was not allowed to watch anything with any kind of mild violence, and especially nothing with mild sexual content. When my family and I went to see Titanic in theaters, my mom covered my eyes when Jack and Rose were in the car having sex. I later found out that all you saw was kissing, nothing more.

My family and I never talked about sex. From what I believed, it was a very bad word. I think I learned the most of my sex education was the short one week class that was given in grades five through eight. My mom gave me the sex talk as we were driving home after hearing a Viagra ad on the radio. When I got my period in sixth grade, I learned about why I had a period, but not how babies were made.

I grew up thinking that virgin was a bad word. I knew it had something to do with sex, so it was automatically bad. I also thought condoms were bad, since they were something used during sex. Yes, I was this sheltered. Growing up I thought masturbation was something only boys did, where they just played with their penis. I had no idea they ejaculated, or that girls could masturbate as well. When I asked what masturbation was during sex education class, my classmates laughed at me. The teacher thought I was joking, so they never said.

I think that because I was so sheltered, I have turned into a total horn dog. Like I said in the beginning of this blog, I didn’t know how to masturbate until seventeen years old. That was three years ago for me. When I discovered that all the stuff I grew up thinking was bad was actually a good thing, I developed all of these ideas in my head.

I have all these ideas, fantasies, and hopes of trying so many different things. I want a lover to tie me up and have his way with me, I want to be whipped (lightly of course), I want to be handcuffed, I want to handcuff him. I want to try as many sexual positions as I possibly can. I want to be in a threesome, maybe a four or fivesome.

One day I hope to have children. I hope that when I do, my mate and I will be able to give the education that I never had. I want to be open with my children, I want them to be able to talk to me about sex, unlike how my parents and I never discussed such things. I don’t want my children growing up not knowing anything about anything. My worst fear is that a sheltered child go out and do stupid stuff, make bad choices, all from lack of knowledge.

I know that this is a very controversial issue in today’s society. What is the right age to teach your child what? How much should you tell your child? I believe that when they ask, I will tell. Or just when the time is right. In today’s society, sexual education is funded by the government with the stipulation be that the teachings be abstinence only. I do not want that kind of education for my child. I was lucky enough to grow up in a state where abstinence only education was not taught. This meant that our sex education was not governmentally funded, but we still were informed on how to protect ourselves for when we do become sexually active.

I hope this entry does not offend anyone, or piss anyone off. It was not meant to do that. This entry is pretty much another way to describe myself and my background. If anyone has any advice or comments about this topic, I would love to hear your comments.

Titty Bar

The other night I went to my first titty bar. It was freaking awesome! I loved it! You see, my friends (all guys and one girl) wanted to hang out with our best friend from high school before he leaves for the military this weekend. We all went to dinner at our friend’s parent’s restaurant, then ice cream. As we sat there eating ice cream, we joked about going to the local strip club. Then we decided we really wanted to go.

I wanted to go to, so we all left, I called my mom and told her I would be home late and not to wait up for me. She said ok, and to spend all the time I could with my friend that is leaving. I got in free, I guess because it was ladies night. It was amateur night as well, but I wasn’t going to get on stage. Not this time, anyways.

My friends and I just hung out in the pool room. They played, but I watched the strippers from the doorway. I was very hot and horny. I was fascinated by what those strippers can do on that pole. I then decided that when I finally get my own place, I am going to get a stripper pole and an instructional video on how to strip and pole dance.

After a while, we all went into the main dance room. One friend gave me six dollars, another gave me one, and another gave me ten. I sat in the back, too shy to sit in front of the stage. I sat and watched, liking what I saw.

Finally one of my friends went up to sit in front of the stage. That’s when my courage kicked in and I went to sit with him. He put a one dollar bill in front of him, and I did the same. When the stripper came up to me, she told me to stand up. I stood up, and she put the dollar in my shirt and asked if I minded if she grabbed my tits. I said go for it, and she did, sticking her face down my shirt to get to the one, then reaching around to grab my ass.

The next stripper came up onto stage. My friend and I put our money down and waited. This time the stripper took my one dollar, folded it up, and put it between my teeth. She then took it out with her teeth, and as she did, our lips touched. So I guess this means I have officially kissed a girl? I liked it, of course. Also, by this time I was very horny. I don’t know what it was about tits, ass, and pole dancing that got me so hot.

By the end of the night, my friends and I all decided we should make going to the titty bar a normal thing, maybe go like, once a month. They said that I am probably one of the only girls they could go with to a titty bar.

On the way home I told my friend that knowing my luck all my batteries would be dead, and that would suck because I was hornier beyond belief. When I got home, I stripped, got into the shower, got into bed, and went to town. I didn’t even need a porno. Of course, my batteries were dying. They weren’t quite dead yet, but I was cumming in less than five minutes.

This was awesome for me because for one, I got off so quickly, especially for dying batteries. Two, I have never been able to get off with dying batteries. By the tine I put everything away and cleaned up, it was 2 A.M. I had gotten home at one. If it wasn’t for the midterm I had the next day I think I would have just stayed home.

Today is the day I really came out as bicurious. I told my friends that didn’t know, my mom, and my sister. They all think that’s awesome, whatever creams my twinkie. A few friends knew I was bicurious before, but today was truly it. The other night at the titty bar was amazing, and I can’t wait to go back.

The Ex List (Ex # 4)

I met my fourth ex at work. Now, I will admit there was quite the age gap between us. He had been married once before, and no kids. When we first met he would pick on me, but everyone did, teasingly of course. After about a year of talking just at work, we exchanged IM’s. We would talk every now and then, leaving offline messages mostly because we had such different schedules.

One day I was going to have to take the bus home, so I asked if he wanted to hang out after I got out of class. He said sure and said he would pick me up after my last class got out. I was nervous all day. When he picked me up we went back to his house. He showed me old pictures, I met his cat, and later he took me home.

We did this for a few weeks, I would get out of class and he would pick me up. He asked me to have dinner with him on Valentine’s Day. I said that would be ok, and so he picked me up after he got off work. He barbequed some steaks, cooked some pasta, and made some garlic bread. For dessert we had ice cream.

A week later when we were hanging out at his house, he told me how he felt. I started feeling a little nervous. I had an idea he liked me, and I thought that I liked him too, but I was afraid of the age gap. Then he kissed me. We talked for a little bit, and then he dropped me off at home.

Two days later we went to breakfast with my mom, went back to his house, and talked about our feelings. We decided to give it a try. I brought a movie with me to watch, but we didn’t pay attention to the movie. We ended up making out the whole way through.

We moved way too fast. I knew it, and I told him. He knew it too. It was a good seven months, and everyone was supportive of us. At least everyone except my friends supported us.

Things were good for the first few months, I was happy, he was happy. Then, after about 5 months into the relationship I started feeling really bored. We never did anything, we never went anywhere. After about six months I started feeling really depressed. Also, school started back up, and I got to feeling overwhelmed with school and the relationship put together. I started to feel us slip away. I think another part that had to do with us is the birth control I was on. It really started to mess with my hormones.

Four days before our seven month mark, I broke up with him. I just realized that we got along better as friends. I wanted to focus my time on school. I wanted to get out and discover myself. I started to feel like I was settling down, something I was not ready to feel at twenty years old.

He was heartbroken, and he still is. We are trying to work on being friends again, but at times he makes it really hard for me. I hear from people at work that he is not doing too good, but I think he sucks it up when I am around. I really want us to be friends again, but he makes it really hard sometimes because he always starts talking about the what ifs and should have beens.

Sometimes I catch myself reporting to him. I get halfway through a text message and then realize I don’t have to tell him everything that’s going on. I feel like I have a lot more freedom. I try not to appear online to him as much, because although I am happy to talk, he makes it hard sometimes. Plus, I don’t want to give him the wrong idea of hope for us in the future.

I really don’t think I can go through what we went through again. Maybe if I was older, but certainly not now. I want to discover myself, learn about who I am. I want to explore my sexuality. I think this is the age where one learns the most about themselves.