We’ve been broken up for over two months now. He still acts as though I did it five minutes ago. I am trying so hard to stay his friend, but he is making it so difficult on me. Whenever we talk, he starts talking about the what ifs and the might have beens, talking about how he’s changing his habits, he’s gotten better.
It is really starting to bug me. I have moved on and he hasn’t. I hear things at work, things that he does when I am not there. He acts so composed online, but at work he seems so depressed, so lonely.
He told me a few weeks after we broke up that just six weeks before we broke up he went to price rings. I am hearing now that he actually bought the ring. What the hell? I am not ready to get married. I am only twenty years old; he was over twice my age. (No offense to those who got married at my age, or younger). I mean, we kind of mentioned it as a possibility, but it would only happen if I was out of school and had a stable job. The main reason I broke up with him was because I felt like I was settling down too early.
He found out about the hickey that M gave me. He flipped out and threw the door counter at the person that told him about it. They reported him to their boss, the tape was reviewed by my ex and his boss, and he was given a warning; one warning out of many, that is. He has also gotten warnings for crying on the floor, in front of the customers, and hiding in the bathroom to cry. I feel bad, I really do.
I also heard he is seeing a psychiatrist. That he was put on antidepressants. He is also not supposed to have any contact with me. He flipped out on one of my co workers when they mentioned me, saying that I won’t look at him, won’t talk to him, won’t be his friend. Well, maybe I could be his friend if he didn’t spend his time glaring at me whenever he sees me.
Apparently every time I see him, talk to him, or make any kind of contact, he gets all of his hope back of him and I. That is definitely not what I want. He is also writing on napkins that he hates his life. One of the people in his department actually came up to me today and asked me if I think he is capable of hurting himself. I was shocked. I hate to think that I caused him to be this way.
I know I learned a lot from our relationship, but if this is the way it has to be, I almost regret it. I learned so much, but I am young, I could have learned from future relationships. I just don’t know anymore. I am almost afraid of him. I worry that he has stalking potential. I don’t think that he would ever hurt me, but he has so much anger, I just don’t know.
I am hoping that after school they put me back on graveyards at work. That way I will not have to work with him. It is so hard to work near him. I tried, I really did try, to be his friend again. Any advice? I would love to hear your stories, advice, or calming words. You can even email me, if you don’t want to share with the world your story or advice. I just want someone to talk to.