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Trying Not to Fall

So, I met a new guy. I saw him on last month. We winked at each other, and I sent him a message. As it usually goes for me, he didn’t have a paid account so he couldn’t read it. I was kinda bummed, but he lived fairly close and a few of my friends live in the same town. I was determined for us to have a mutual friend, and sure enough a few weeks ago I was reading someone’s comments and there he was!

I was super excited to see him. The first thing I did was send him a message. I felt a little creepy and stalkerish saying “Hey, I saw you on Match and we winked at each other. It turns out we have a mutual friend and I saw your comment.” I really didn’t know what else to say so I left it at that and sent a friend request. He added me within a few minutes, but I never did get a response.

A week later I decided to start an app game with him and he accepted the game request. We played a few moves in Words With Friends and after a few moves I sent a message using their chat system asking what kind of video games he liked. We had a good conversation and eventually made it easier by exchanging numbers for texting.

I must say, we have so much in common and feel the same way about so many things, it’s scary. It almost feels too good to be true. That is why we are both feeling cautious, though I am a little bit more cautious I think.

You see, I thought I wanted a fuck buddy, friend with benefits, whatever you want to call it. However, after thinking about it for a long time and talking to several close friends I realized that I want just the opposite. I want something real, I want a relationship. I miss having someone to share my day with, shoot ideas off of, cuddle with, fall asleep in their arms, and everything else. I try not to dwell on how much I miss those things, and my not dwelling on them at all in the beginning is what took me so long to realize what I truly wanted. It explains why I got turned off when a guy said he wanted the same thing I claimed that I wanted.

So, you can imagine my disappointment when this guy said he is looking for a friend with benefits. Now, I am glad we were able to be honest with each other, and I can handle a friend with benefits situation, but would prefer more. He knows this and respects this. That’s why we don’t plan on rushing into things. Damnit though if I am not scared shitless of falling for this guy.

He seems perfect for me. With so much in common, missing the same things, feeling the same way about things. I guess maybe I have a little hope that something more could come out of this, something more than what he plans on. You never know, it could happen and a girl can dream.

I have been more honest and open to this guy than I have been with anyone in a while. Hell, I even told him about this place. He has seen it and likes what he sees. He even made a blog himself, feeling like it would be a good place to vent and open up.

Now, I know we need to meet in person before we decide on things further. In fact, weather permitting, we plan to meet tomorrow. I look forward to it.

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