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Focusing on Me

If there is one good thing that that came from my year of no sex, it is the fact that I now know what I want and I have the courage and motivation to not settle for less. I realized this after my dry spell was broken though. It is a new year, a time for new beginnings.

What I want is to not partake in sexual activities unless I am in a committed relationship. I love sex, don’t get me wrong. I love the rush of adrenaline it gives me. What I don’t love is the feeling of loneliness and emptiness I get after a no strings attached hook up. I have never really been cuddled and loved after sex. I want that.

No more NSA. No more settling. I will no longer have sex just because I don’t think I can get anything else. I always tell guys what I want (a relationship), but in my fear of losing them I give them what they want instead of getting what I want. In the end I still end up lonely.

I have changed and grown so much in that year of partial celibacy. I know my decision will be for the best, even through another possible dry spell. I have learned that it’s time to focus on me, and what I want, not just what I think I want to try and keep others around.

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