Slow Down

One thing I learned in my last relationship is to slow the fuck down. In every relationship I have always allowed it to move too fast. I always just went with the flow, but as fun as that can be at first, it can lead to a huge standstill, boredom, and broken promises.

My first and only high school “relationship” lasted five days, but within the first day of meeting (we had been set up by a mutual friend) we were playing tonsil hockey. With my first college boyfriend, I was giving him head barely a week into it. I was so enamored that I told him I loved him after I swallowed his cum.

My second college boyfriend was practically the same way, except twice as long. The first night I stayed the night at his house I told him I loved him. I really do feel like I loved these guys at the time, but I think it was a different kind of love, if it was love at all.

It wasn’t until this last relationship that I really started to try and define the difference between lust and love. Within two weeks of being together he told me he loved me. I feel terrible about that because I said it back, but knew that what I was feeling was close to love, but not quite. I just couldn’t figure out what.

I was very careful not to make promises. I never promised to not break his heart, as several others once did to me. I never promised forever, because I knew deep down that it was just not going to last.

So, I know to slow down, but my question is how? I don’t see myself seeing anyone for a very long time, but when the time comes, how do I make it slow down? It is such a high to get caught up in the moments of lust. At what point do we start moving forward, taking the next steps?


Give me some love.

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