The boyfriend is gone for nearly a month, and after this weekend he will be pretty much off the grid for almost 2 weeks. He is on his summer vacation, visiting family and friends down south. I miss him terribly, and it gets harder every day.

We still manage to at least say good morning, but after that he usually gets busy and either doesn’t talk again til late evening or the next morning. Some nights we were able to Skype and play video games, which is nice, but just not the same.

I have been kind of looking at his absence as a test for if/when he moves and whether or not we continue things as a long distance couple. At this point, I feel like I care more for him than he does for me, but that is probably my low self esteem talking. He has a hard time opening up, which also makes me wonder how he really feels about me.

Without knowing how he feels, or what he sees with me in the future, I don’t think I could do long distance. I really hate to say that, and I hate the idea of having to move on (again) and learn to know someone all over again (though sometimes that can be half the fun). I just don’t want anyone else.

Even with the lack of sex in our relationship that I am fairly unhappy about, I love everything else. I love him and really want to see where this goes. I have been trying to stay positive, but it gets harder each day that it gets closer to our possible doom.

Its two weeks into his month long absence and its killing me. I hate it. I miss his kiss, and our cuddles.

6 thoughts on “A Test of Sorts”

  1. My man and I had to cope with long distance a few years back. So difficult. I would get mood swings and full of self-doubt. I really sympathise with you. Stay strong and get though it by writing your great blog posts 😉

  2. well if I am to tell you the truth – I had a family I was committed to bringing up – so we were apart at one time for 2.5 years! when that was done, because of differing work commitments – we were often apart for 2 weeks at a time. I would really like you to look at a new blog of mine – its about my life 20years ago- similar age to you i think. Its real- from diaries. – I think you can link to it via my logo x

  3. Being apart will really test your relationship, so it will be good in the sense that you will learn one way or the other whether it is going to work. Is the lack of sex due to you being apart, or because you have a higher sex drive? If it’s the former then that problem can be solved via cam sex, if it’s the latter it’s a problem you’ll have to address together. The solution may be more masturbation on your part, which can be quite liberating once you accept it. (I’m speaking theoretically here, since in my own situation I still feel masturbation represents some sort of failure on my part) (But heck, I go crazy without some sort of sexual release so often it’s my only choice)

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