Day 5, post 5

I turned 30 in August. My best friend and Aaron threw me a small birthday party at our apartment. The plan was drinks, food, and more drinks, with different card games.

All in all, it was a great party. It was fun, light-hearted, and nobody got too drunk. In fact, none of us really got buzzed because the drinks were made too weak. In the end, I think that made things better, even though I fully intended to have a hangover the next day.

When I was younger, I always considered 30 to be old. I still find it hard to believe that I am no longer in my 20s. I don’t really have any more “milestone birthdays” to look forward to. At 16 you can get a license, 18 to be considered”an adult,” 21 to drink, and 25 to rent a car.

It is not so much my age that I am concerned about, but more where am I going in life? Society makes me feel like I should be married, and having kids (which I do want), I just don’t feel ready; not emotionally, and definitely not financially. I also worry if I would make a good parent.

I was raised by an over protective mother. I am scared to do anything outside of my comfort zone. I fear that I would treat my child that same way. I am also not very patient. Seeing other people with kids, I wonder how they do it. How to be patient and calm. I feel like I have definitely “lost my chill” thanks to my latest battles with anxiety and depression.

Give me some love.

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