It has been way too long since I posted. Long story short, I just don’t have anything to write about. A lot has been going on the last two years. Depression has been my biggest problem, along with a ton of other terrible contributing factors. I don’t even know where to start. So, I might just ramble, so if you read this, thank you.
-Work (too much to do, not enough people). I even switched jobs late last year, and I am just not happy there anymore either. My job before that was bringing back old feelings of hopelessness.
-Besides not having anything to write about, I don’t want to write. Things just feel too personal. I am not the exhibitionist that I once was. I don’t really go on sexual adventures anymore anyways (if you can call my past sexcapades adventure).
-I don’t even masturbate anymore. Maybe like once every couple of months in hopes to sleep. Sometimes I want too, but its complicated. I feel like that sexual energy should be used with my boyfriend, but I am just never in the mood. I hate not being in the mood. I don’t know how to get in the mood. Lack of masturbation is the reason I haven’t posted my new count. I can count the amount of times in the year I did it on one hand. It’s now October.
-I had to make the difficult decision to say goodbye to a beloved pet. He was very sick, and nothing was making him better. When I had to ask myself if I was keeping him alive for me or him, I knew what I had to do. I hate it. I want him back, and there’s nothing I can do. I try not to blame myself, and stay far away from the “what-ifs,” but I just feel empty. He was too young.
-I have two toys I still need to do reviews on, but I just can’t. I feel awful, because I am supposed to, but I just can’t. Luckily the company has been understanding as I have kept them informed. I will still do the review, just not yet.
-I miss my friends that I made through here. Feel free to reach out, I would be happy to hear from you.
-I started a different hobby/venture. That helped a bit, but I have been kind of out of touch with that too. Long story short I started video game streaming, but I just don’t know what to play these days. I feel so isolated. Before Covid we had a weekly game night, in person, with friends. Its been almost two years since we did that. I enjoy playing online with friends, but lately no one has been available.
-I got my IUD (Mirena) out in February 2021. I thought it would help my depression because of the hormones. It has not helped. I do plan to write about my experience with it. I will, I just need the motivation. Perhaps this post will be the start of working up to that.
I constantly question if I should keep this blog going. I have so much of my life on it, but I feel so disconnected from it lately. It just doesn’t seem me. I was and still am proud of it. Its just not something I feel comfortable sharing with others. At least with streaming I can share that venture with a little bit more gusto. I don’t have to worry about being judged. I could not share my blog with my family.
Have any of you been able to overcome lack of libido? How? I want to know how I can kick this feeling.
If you read all of this, thank you. I would love to hear from you, whether through comment or DM on Twitter.